Recap of NY Trip

1 - I had a good time.

2 - Vodka tonics should not be made with vanilla flavored vodka.

3 - I saw my friend Heather for the first time in 17 years, and she looks great and I had a wonderful time.

4 - My kids won't eat it if I didn't make it on our stove.

5 - We went to see the dinosaurs at the Natural History Museum.

6 - On the way back to the apartment, a wheel broke off my stroller. It was a $300 double stroller. I threw it out.

7 - I will eat anything at my parents' house.

8 - I really need to stop eating junk.

The End

Paranoid?

I try really hard in this blog not to come across as a crazy, paranoid person. Please forgive me if I occasionally miss the mark. But today... today is one of those days I am not even going to try. I am letting go, and I'm planning on spouting out all sorts of words and sentences that will let you know, at last, that yes, I should be locked away and am unfit for society.

The weather is plotting against me. ME, specifically. Yeah yeah, ice storms all over, snow everywhere, but no, I happen to know it's really ME the snow and ice is trying to drive insane. How do I know?

People: I HAVE NO LIFE! Sure, I have kids, and I have this house, and I'm busy all the time doing laundry and cleaning and driving kids to school and all that, but... There's very little to actually get excited about. I get worked up about a kid's yearly check-up a week ahead of time. I get WAY too excited about the movies coming in on Netflix. I even look forward to "bike day" at the kids' school.

This fall we joined a church. And I love it because this particular church does not require me to stop wondering if there is even a God, and lets me feel magic and spiritual in the way I love best - by singing. I LOVE the singing even if the songs are sometimes hokey and we sound terrible doing it. I look forward to the rehearsals and to the services, and I am never as happy as I am when I am actually singing.

Choir rehearsals are Wednesday nights. Wednesday also happens to be Trash Pickup Day, and the day I do grocery shopping. It is also a school day for the boys. Every Wednesday but ONE this year we have had major ice and snow storms, and I have had to juggle the schedule to try to get food for us to eat, to get the trash to balance precariously on the mountain of snow at the foot of our driveway, And to risk my LIFE getting to choir rehearsals because if I'm going to be at home all day with the boys, I sure as heck-fire and gonna let loose and sing some "Spirit of Creation" afterward.

I happen to know it's also snowing this week because of the trip to NY I was planning. I was planning on leaving tomorrow, because the boys had school today. Which they no longer have. But leaving now would be insanity, right? Not to mention the fact that Nick's Parent/Teacher conference is now rescheduled to the day and TIME I have my Doctor's appointment - not a kid's, but MINE.

People, we've had enough snow. Look at the pictures. They do not lie. And this is after the snow has gone down for over a week. I can tell because I can see the handles of the boys shovels and the head of the snowman we built LAST MONTH. And these pictures - I just took them. They say we'll get a foot of snow on top of this.

I hate it here. I hate it. I'm looking forward to freaking global warming. And I'm going to run the car in the driveway right now for no reason just to speed up the process. so there!

A liitle off today, folks

Really upset by the impending snowstorm. Please forgive me, but I'm too depressed to write.

When you least expect it

Just when you think you've caught up on the laundry and your house is clean, one kid will throw up in bed all over the sheets and the comforter and the pillow, and another will puke en route to the bathroom splattering the mess all along the just-been-mopped kitchen floor. And I mean ALL along the kitchen floor, which is saying something, if you've seen the ginormous kitchen.

Unfortunately, there is no wine in the house. I shall just sit tight and hope it's a fluke, and not a stomach bug.

My mood is not improved by the weather forcast, which says we get a foot of snow on Wednesday.

Hair

I got a hair cut. So did the boys. Maybe I got confused about which place I was supposed to ask for the cut and color?

Hey, Linda!

What's that you're always saying about my boys and their big, bald heads?

Getting Over It

Today was one of those days when it felt like the boys were actively working against me. Seriously, they want to break me and see me loose it. Off to the loony bin with me. The sad part it, I might see it as a kind of break.
It's one thing when they fight, or when they don't listen, but when I'm letting them play and my goal is to clean up a room - one room - and I keep finding objects that belong in that room all over the house - in the bathroom, the hallway, under the kitchen table - I can't help but wonder if they know how crazy they are making me. Especially when I get back to that room and find my entire CD collection spread out on the floor.

They have no clue, of course. Andy just loves getting into the drawer where I keep the boys toothpaste and sucking it out of the tube, and he can't help his instinct to put poisonous things into his mouth. And Nick and Nate try to help, it's just that they don't completely grasp what my goal is... or what a "goal" is in general. And with three of them at once, it can be disheartening.

But now I have popcorn. I'm over it.


.

Politics

Who is our new president?

Well, according to Nathan, his name is "Obonka." And nobody better tell him any different.

Home Improvement

I just spent ten days painting a room, and messed it up in three seconds by swatting red paint all over the white wall,

Act Of Creation

The birthday cake I made for Nate was my first attempt at using rolled fondant.

I am neither baker nor sculptor, so my expectations weren't too high. Instead of making my own, for this first "play session," I purchased some ready made. You can get it at some arts & crafts stores, and all you have to do is roll it out and drape it over the cake. It was that easy. And, looking at the Wall-E cake below.... well, does it not look smooth?

I've learned a couple of things from the process. First, add flavoring. (any clear flavoring - clear vanilla!) Second, roll it thinner - it's gummy, and not pleasant to chew. Third... well, success with forming anything out of fondant can be measures by one's gift at sculpting play-doe. I can't make anything out of that stuff unless I use cookie cutters. Hence, the green stars on Nate's cake. I tried my best at turning stars into flowers, but the icing started to get hard, so I ran out of time.

Next time (and there will be a next time) I am going to try to make my own. All I need is a candy thermometer. And beautiful, premade, edible flowers.

Off Target

Last Monday Nick's teacher told me he needed waterproof gloves. When buying gloves for this winter I glanced at the poofy, warmer, more expensive gloves, but opted for the strtchy knit kind because 1 - they are less expensive 2 - the kids never seem to want to spend more than 10 minutes in the snow anyway and 3 -none of my kids can keep a pair of gloves together for more than 20 seconds, sometimes loosing a glove before we even get into the car.

Nevertheless, the teacher explained that at school they spend 45 minutes outside, and once Nick's gloves get wet he is cold and uncomfortable. So Friday, my shopping day, I set out to Target to get some. It was Nate's birthday, and a very cold day. When I left the garage, the car gave the outside temperature a balmy 25 degrees. By the time I pulled into the school parking lot, it read -6.

That's NEGATIVE SIX, people. BELOW ZERO.

I swept the two younger kids back into the car and drove us to Target where I expected to find the gloves I was looking for. After all, I had SEEN them there before. However, once I got there, all I could find were the stretchy knit ones we already had. Apparently they took them all down to make room for the swimsuits and easter dresses. Yes. Here in New England, in January, I can browse through five different racks of swimsuits. But GOD HELP ME if I want to buy a pair of MITTENS. in NEGATVE SIX DEGREE TEMPS! Stupid me. I guess I was supposed to buy everything back in September, when they first set them out, and I was looking for shorts.

Am I the only one who wonders what Target, and other chain stores, are thinking? I mean, who needs swimsuits now? Put out a couple of racks for vacationers, if you must, but what kid doesn't loose a glove? What about the rest of us who need to buy things we need NOW instead of things we might need FIVE MONTHS from now. I mean, the earliest we might possibly use a swimsuit here in New Hampshire is May, and that's four months from now. And it just keeps getting worse and worse. I suppose, if I wait long enough, they just might start putting out NEXT year's winter stuff NOW, getting so far ahead of themselves that they lap the seasons and it starts making sense again. But for now, since the business decisions aren't being made by people, but my business executives who keep their gloves in their ski chalets, I've got a five year old with no gloves.

My frustration only increasedwhen I went to checkout and there were ten people waiting for the one register that was open. Apparently all the other employees were busy pulling the winter items off the shelves.

So I went online to buy the boys gloves. I went to LL Bean, and I consoled myself by telling myself I could buy myself new winter boots. I need them, as I'm still wearing the same ones I got in 1995. I told everyone I needed some for Christmas, and then at one point it seemed as though I might get several pairs. I must have mentioned this to several people because I didn't get any. So I went online to look up the boots I wanted. Guess what? Et tu, LL Bean?

I ordered the gloves anyway. They should get here early next week. Which is good, because we have six inches of fresh snow, and counting.

Happy Birthday Nathan!

Today was Nathan's Third Birthday.



The cupcakes I made him for school:

The cake I made for our family celebration:


I think he had a good day.

Donkey Fable

There was this story, this fable, that I remember hearing when I was a little girl. The way I remember it, a man and his son were walking their donkey into town. And on their way they passed some people and overheard them saying "Foolish people! Why are they both walking when one of them could be riding the donkey?" So the son climbed on the donkey and on they went until they passed another group of people. This time they overheard people saying "Selfish son! Riding that donkey while his poor old father has to walk!" So the son hopped down and the father hopped on up, and on they went. Until they passed yet another group of people. "Poor donkey! Having to walk all that way with that heavy man on his back!" And the end result was that father and son ended up in town carrying the donkey.

The moral of the story is: You can't please everyone.

I know that this moral can apply to life in general, and to any particular aspect of life. But lately I've been thinking of how it applies to parenthood, in particular.

Because there's no way you could win, with parenthood. Starting from the very moment you find out you're pregnant, everyone has some idea of what you can't or can't do. You can't drink. But some women will have a drink while pregnant. Others will actually smoke. Which I find horrific. But many women also find it horrific when a mom-to-be has a large cup of coffee. Which I did most every day. And some pregnant women actually watch things like sugar intake, protein, and... um... salt. Or whatever.

Not that I'm pregnant. I'm not. But the thing is, it keeps going. To how you give birth - drugs, or no drugs? Then breastfeeding? Some people think if you don't, you're selfish, lazy, and putting your child's future health at risk. But don't breastfeed too long. Or you're turning your child into a freak. Or if you're on the other end of the argument, don't stop too soon. And don't let them fall asleep with a bottle, ever. Or a pacifier. And don't give them solid food too soon. But for heaven's sake, don't wait too long. And don't give them any of those "allergenic" foods, like eggs, or peanuts, or strawberry, or anything dairy. At all. Because if you do, you're a horrible mother. On the other hand, you don't want to be one of those parents with a child who is "sensitive" to everything. (Some people think giving your kids peanuts too soon will cause them to have allergies later on, and some people think not giving them nuts soon enough causes the allergies.) And if you don't force your children to eat only organic foods you're endangering their welfare. And while some people think I'm crazy to limit TV time, other people are horrified that I let such small children watch any at all.

The same goes for child safety. A lot of parents think I'm insane for not installing baby gates because my kids might fall down the stairs... on the other hand, my kids learn how to go up and down stairs much earlier than some 'other' people's kids. And I have bent my mind into a pretzels trying to find the line between watching my kids too much and not watching them enough, between telling them what to do and letting them make their own choices, and deciding if it's more important to help Nathan, who's peed his pants and has his shirt tangled over his head and is wailing and sobbing, or to stop Andy, who is methodically climbing up the dresser, which is wobbling, to reach the hot poisonous knives.

Some days I feel as though everyone is watching me and rolling their eyes, judging the job I'm doing as a mother because my kids are loud or excited or cranky. And I honestly don't know what it is I'm supposed to do, or what it is the other parents expect me to so. Or even, in some circumstances, what STEVE expects me to do. If I try the patient, calm, quiet voice approach, I can only speak to one child at a time, and it appears as though I am letting the other two run wild. If I resort to yelling, I look like... well, someone who yells at her kids a lot. Because I've tried yelling, and it doesn't really work, and usually just leads to more yelling.

There's no real way to do this right.

Sing a Song

It's not that I purposely goof off during choir.

It's just that I like singing so much. And it lightens my heart. And it makes me giggle at inappropriate moments. During rehearsals. And sometimes during performance. But mostly during rehearsals.

Terrble, Horrible, etc.

This morning Andy woke up at 5am crying. Since I'm painting his room - a four day project in it's fifth day and only halfway done - I've put him in his play yard in the big kid's room. So of course Nick and Nate woke right up. I got up. I rocked Andy, who was quiet but staring at me, eyes wide open. Nick and Nate decided to help me put him back to sleep by singing "quietly."

Today was a gym day, and it was there that I noticed stuff leaking out of Andy's ear. So as soon as we got home - after putting a sleeping Andy on the floor - I called the pediatrician. I fed the boys lunch, put on a video,told Steve he was on duty, and plonked Andy back in the car, where he woke up. Turns out both ears were infected. And I thought he was just cracky because he was teething.

I dropped off the perscription, drove home, and put the other boys in the car to make it to Nick's Eye Doctor appointment. Both Andy and Nate fell asleep on the way there. Nick did very well during the exam, unless you count the screaming he did when the nurse had to put drops in his eyes - we both had to hold him and she had to pry his eye lids back. But his vision is pretty much perfect. Which means we're back to square one for the headaches.

Steve had to leave for a business meeting, which meant that I got the kids all to myself all afternoon. I was so tired I let them watch too much TV while I made Wall-E cupcakes for Nate's school class birthday tomorrow. And dinner. While Andy cried and clung to my knees and fell to the floor whenever I had to turn in any direction.

I am so tired.

Check Mate

When Andy sleeps longer than the Big Boys at naptime, I sometimes let them take out toys I don't usually let them play with. These toys have many small parts that refuse to stay on the table and that smaller boys love to pop into their little mouths. One of these toys is a "10 Games in One!" box, with multiple boards and tiny little marbles and discs and, oddly enough, wooden sprinkles.

Nick loved to play with "the marbles" and asks for them a lot, but I refuse a lot, simply because each time we dig out the box twenty little parts fall to the floor and get missed in the clean up. But it's been so snowy and yucky that I actually pulled it out. While Nick played with the marbles, Nate plucked out the chess pieces and asked me to play with him.

"I don't remember how to play," I confessed. But I set up the board and told him the names of the pieces, and how they moved (if I remembered it.) I also told him that to win, you had to capture the other person's king.

"This is the king." Nate said, pointing to his king. I nodded. "And this is my queen." He pointed to his queen. Then he reached over and pointed to my royal couple. "That's your king, and that's your queen."

Satisfied that he understood, I turned to fold laundry while he played. "No! Mommy, play with me!" he shouted. "I can't, I don't remember how!" I said. But Nate would have none of it. He scrambled toward me, halfway over the table, pleading, "Please, play chess with me, Mommy! Play this game!"

And looking down he snatched up a piece. "I got your king! You Loose!"

Honanunu Now

The boys got this talking map-puzzle of the US. When you put in a state, the puzzle tells you the name of the state, the state nickname, and the state capital. "Tennessee! The Volunteer State! State capital: Nashville!"

No matter how much I try to convince them otherwise, they boys insist that that capital of Hawaii is pronounced "Hona NU NU"

Wednesday night we had a lot of snow, but I went to choir rehearsal anyway. It had been put off because of the holidays and before that for the informal Christmas Eve choir. I missed it. Thursday we had a freezing rain all day. Friday the snow I didn't shovel in front of my garage door was a two foot tall block of ice. Sunday it snowed a foot, and the driveway was so slippery Steve couldn't get up it in the plow. Of course not only was choir canceled, but church school and also church. So I guess it didn't matter. But I woke up depressed after a night of getting up with Andy every thirty minutes - ear infection, I think. And I was just so frustrated and sad all I wanted to do was pull the covers over my head - not get up and listen to the boys fight and ""New Jersey! The Garden State!"

Steve was shoveling snow on his knees, and finally called Lillian to ask her to bring us ice melt. Then he realized there had been an accident on the highway involving 50 cars and the highway had been closed for hours. Lucky for us she made it here wihout incident. After she left I want out and tried to finish up, but honestly all I think I did was push slush from one end of the driveway to the other with the shovel.

I would like to move to Honanunu now.

Frustrating Frustration

I had the bright idea to paint a few rooms in my house.

I had it all broken up. I was going to do one room a month, reasoning that it usually takes me about a week to do a room, and giving me breaks in between.

Steve urged me to take my time, and to "splurge" on supplies such as tape and drop cloths and paint edgers, probably because each of my painting jobs leaves us with at least one brightly colored splotch on a rug, drip on a baseboard, or an odd colored blob on the ceiling. And I admit, I usually get bored with this part and try to dive right into the painting part.

So when I started Andy's room, I started it right. I filled the holes in his walls so that, when painted, the walls would be smooth and I could then hang pictures where I wanted and not just to cover up the holes already there.

And that's when I got stuck. Today I set up the play yard for Andy in the boys' room. I started covering up the rug and the furniture too big to leave the room. But I didn't even get to finish that. Because the boys were making such a fuss, Andy screaming for, apparently, no reason at all, and Nick and Nate fighting over who got to use the big white blanket.

And I got a little upset. In my mind I was thinking a week, but now I'm thinking I'm going to be lucky to finish this project by the end of the month. I was planning on doing the prep work - the taping, etc, while the boys were awake. But I'm going to have to do it all while everyone is sleeping. Shoot.

Nothing New with Nick

I took Nick to his doctor's appointment, and the results were... I shouldn't say bad. Bad would have been the doctor taking on look at Nick's fingers and telling me he had to have an MRI, or that he was going to loose his fingers, or that he had some horrible syndrome and was going to need to be on medication forever. And none of those things happened. Here's what did:

The doctor didn't know what to make of his fingernails. She did say it was probably not iron or zinc (with fingernails she said it would be zinc) because it only occurred on three nails and he didn't get a rash, nor was he having problems with his hair. So she was referring him to a dermatologist. Did you know dermatologists deal with fingernails and hair issues? Apparently they do.

As for the headaches, she suggested we get his eyes checked. Because most of the time headaches like his are caused by eyesight, and it's also the easiest fix.

So immediately upon returning from the doctor's office, I called the eye doctor and made an appointment for next week. And the dermatologist, and made an appointment for next month. And hoped the fingernails wouldn't get too much worse before then. And in each case I had to give out all the information in the world, the insurance information, the date of birth, the referring doctor, Steve's name, birthdate, workplace. Then I had to call the pediatrician and tell them about the other doctor's appointments so that all the referring information could be faxed back and forth.

Ugh.

Gotta Pay The Toll

When we were kids we went through a tollbooth every day to get to school. We used to play this game where one of us would stick out an arm, blocking the way of other siblings, and shout "Gotta Pay The Toll!" And usually a hand slap would do it. (This game may as well been called "Annoying The Others.")

Our kids know about tollbooths, but I don't think they are as clear on what goes on during the transaction. Nate was scooting around the kitchen on Andy's new ride-on rocket, and when he reached me he stuck out his hand. "You give me money!" he shouted.

Link link link

I don't know if you've noticed, but I've added a couple of new "places to go." If you have time, check them out.

I monitor the sites I post links to, and after a few months of inactivity, I remove it from my list. If you're resurrecting a site I used to include, please let me know!

I still have no photos

Sorry.

I'm a little distracted tonight. Nicholas has been complaining of headaches for months - at dinner, at school... and we've been chalking them up to dramatics, guessing he is either bored or wants attention or at least a change of scene. But it's gotten so that his teachers have mentioned the headaches more than once. If he's faking he sure is persistent. Maybe he needs glasses?

So there's that.

But then... well, just before Christmas he showed me his thumb, saying he cut it. But in fact, it looked as though the nail had broken off in the middle of the nail, but hadn't quite fallen off. And so I thought he banged his thumb, or ripped his nail on something. But Saturday I noticed that two more fingers - the middle one on each hand, were developing white splotches at the base of the nail, and today one was starting to crack. And besides, the kid can't bump his toe at school without telling me about it. Let alone smash his fingers hard enough to damage three nails.. on two different hands.

I keep telling myself it's probably some nail fungus - gross, but people get it on their toes all the time. It's just that I worry. Part of me, the worst case scenario part, is worried that the headaches and the fingernails are somehow related in some horrible way.

Thursday we go to the doctor. She can laugh at me and give Nick and anti fungal.

Robot Cupcakes

For his birthday, Nathan wants Wall-E cupcakes.

During moments of insanity, I have actually shown him cupcakes and cakes and other Wall-E food products online. Like this.

Or this.

Or maybe this?

There are so many.

Seriously, if you have time, try the links. There's a really good Wall-E cake that looks just like the robot, some cute cupcakes, and a killer Wall-E made out of sushi.

But I am terrified because now Nate's birthday is two weeks away, and we've been looking at all these beautiful baked goods, and all I know how to do is smear icing on a crumbly cake. The more I look at these cakes and all these wonderful cupcakes the more I need to learn how to use fondant. And the more helpless I feel because I know I'll never be able to learn how to use it by the 16th, and even if I DID... well, I've never been artistic. I figure if all I can make out of playdough is a meatball and a snail, I probably don't have that much hope of being able to sculpt a miniature robot out of icing.

I hope the party store has some good Wall-E cake toppers.

I Can See Clearly Now The Rain Has Gone

HEY! So... yesterday's post was a bit of a downer. Sorry about that. Last night the baby slept all night and until almost 8am, so I got a lot of sleep. Especially in the morning, since Steve got up with the kids... I'm getting up with them tomorrow, so they'll all probably wake at 5am again...

A good night's sleep will work wonders. As will a good book. Or a good workout. Today is the first day in a long time that I've felt happy and energetic and hopeful. Optimistic. Good. Hooray for me.

Sleep Rage

Many things about becoming a parent took me by surprise. Spit up, for instance. And Laundry. I mean, I knew there would be laundry, but no so much of it. I guess I figured that, since the clothes were so much smaller... well, who knew?

I also knew about sleep deprivation. I had heard about waking up and putting babies back to sleep, midnight feedings, etc. But I wasn't prepared for just how frustrated I would be waking up at 3am, for the third time that night, to a one-year-old that is no longer breast fed, is eating real food, and who would like the pleasure of my company.

Nicholas was like this. He would wake up eleven times a night as long as I'd go in a sit with him in the rocking chair. I finally had to just let him cry, and it was a painful, irritating, frustrating process. Because at 3am, on twenty minutes of sleep, after a full year of not sleeping through the night... well, it's easy to give in, and I think I should either toss a bottle into the crib ot toss the baby out the window. And after Nick, I thought all babies were like this.

But then there was Nate. I was worried Nate's screaming would wake Nick, but Nate cried only until I walked into the bedroom, and refused to sit with me in the rocking chair. He would pitch his body toward the crib until I put him back to bed. Then he immediately fell asleep. So then I thought babies must be like Nate, and Nick was a freak.

But Andy is now over a year, and he doesn't sleep through the night. He wants a bottle. I allow him one a night. Because he keeps waking up and crying. Hell fall asleep in my arms, and the second I STAND UP to put him down he starts to cry. And he keeps crying as I bury my head under the covers and try to wait it out. And after 30 minutes I give up, go in, let him fall asleep in my arms for 30 seconds, and then it starts ALL OVER AGAIN.

But that's not what I was most unprepared for. No. What I was most unprepared for, and am most frustrated by, are the adds for SLEEP AIDS that are ALL OVER THE PLACE. The ARTICLES about how people NEED MORE SLEEP. The adds for sleep aids usually start out "Do you find it hard to get a good night's sleep? Is it interfering with your day? LUNESTA CAN HELP!" And I really would like to call those stupid sleep aid people and drag them back here so THEY can wake up five times a night. Also, if those people who can't sleep want to drag their behinds over here, I AM able to sleep if someone would just give me a CHANCE.

And those articles... I read one yesterday NOT about how people should sleep MORE, but how they should sleep LATER. Apparently 7am is when people can get most stressed (I know I usually hid my mid-day peak about then), and also "night owls are more creative." Based on the tests they gave. Of course, my question is "what time of day did they give the tests?" And also "how much sleep did the uncreative types get? HOW MANY KIDS DO THOSE 'CREATIVE' PEOPLE HAVE?"



I'm sorry this post is so ranty and rambling. I'm just a little tired. Of it. And just tired.

Andy Attack

Andy can now reach up and grab things from the table, such as silverware, cookies, and uncapped pens.

He now not only can go UP the stairs, he also can go down, but 50% of the time he falls.

He loves to sit on the couch and the bed.

He knows about chocolate, shrimp, and bagels. If you eat anything around him, he will cry until you give him some. Then he's very likely to simply turn around and feed it to the dog.

He loves his toothbrush.

He also loves books. I swear he says "Book." Only when he says it, it sounds more like... "Kugh." He says it often enough when he's waving one around, though, so I'm pretty sure that's what he's trying to say.