I made this

I made this for dinner the other night.

I was so proud of the way it turned out. It looked really good. The hen wasn't as tasty as I'd hoped, but the asparagus was really yummy, which proves the point that everything is better when wrapped in bacon. Also, I improvised an onion stuffing which tasted awesome with the rice pilaf.

The end.

Old Crazy Neighbor Lady

It's been cold here. I know, I know, it's been cold and freezing everywhere. I'm not saying we're any different.

But the other night I came home and the thermometer in my car said "1."

One. 1. It's so insulting when it's a temperature. One.. What is that?

And the kids, they are just so... they refuse to wear hats and gloves. They bring them to school in their backpacks.

A couple of days ago I was driving to the school to pick the boys up, and I saw a girl walking home after the bus dropped her off. She was old enough to walk home from the bus stop. Maybe twelve?

She was carrying her jacket.

In her arms.

The thermometer in the car said "9."

9 is better than 1. But not so's you'd really notice.

I wanted to roll down the window and shout, "Hey! Little Girl! Put on your coat! It's cold!"

Bed Head

Lately the boys have become a little involved with their hair.

Steve actually caught Andy trying to cut his hair.

I have tried convincing them that running a comb through it is the first step.

No one seems very excited about that.

Twilight Zone

We are now living in an alternate dimension.

A dimension where, when in snows, the school does NOT call at 5am to cancel, or even to delay the start time, which is has done in the past.

A reality where the school busses, after being so prompt ALL YEAR LONG, are more than forty minutes late.

A universe in which the school system calls and leaves a message at 9:15 letting us know the busses wil be late, a good 30 minutes after the buss has already passed, and a good 45 minutes after Steve told the kids they didn't have to go to school because they'd been standing out in the cold and snow for so long.

This can not possibly be the same world where the school system called to tell me the busses would be 10 minutes late, and then they were on time.

Alarmingly, this IS the same reality, and the same school district people that called and left four messages and various emails, alerting us that "THERE WAS A NOISE BEHIND THE SCHOOL TEN MNUTES AGO, WE HAVE ALERTED THE POLICE, BUT THEY DIDN'T FIND ANYTHING, SO DON'T WORRY!"

You know how I can not worry? Don't call me about squirrels in the woods. Call me when the busses are going to be fifty minutes behind schedule due to snow. BEFORE the busses get here. THAT is the job they should be doing. Not calling us every day with a new alert or trying to get me to staff the door and check ID's.

7 is a Lucky Number

There are times when I want to put on the brakes, to reach out and yank that lever that won't stop things completely, but will slow things down so that they aren't a complete blur. Then I would appreciate things more, wouldn't I? Then I would know to savor each moment before it evaporates into memory.


Today Nathan turns seven years old. I love him.

That Said...

I still live to share stuff.

I asked Steve to take a picture of us in front of a huge toy train in NY. He got us, but left the train out. I guess one of us missed the point. It is a lovely photo.  Dec. 2012

Not As Often

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you will have noticed by now that I haven't really been... well, blogging.

This wasn't a computer malfunction, or some glitch of the site. It wasn't an oversight on my part, either. No, this was a choice. I made a choice to blog less often. Much, much less often.

And there are a few reasons for it.

First of all, if anything of immediate interest happens to me, I will probably post it on FaceBook sooner or later. I know, I know, it's horrible. And not everyone HAS Facebook. It's OK, Linda, I'll call you and send you emails. You too, Mom. Although I'm not sure what I'd say.

See, another thing is, I feel I am often scraping the bottom of the barrel to come up with something to post about. What was that cute thing one of the kids said the other day? Didn't I snap a photo of the boys in the few moments they were not fighting or eating or playing a video game? I'll use this one, even though it's blurry. Although I actually do believe that everything my kids do is amazing, I know the rest of the world doen't agree, and why should it?

Which leads us to a third reason. When I am looking for topics to blog about, I tend to ruminate on certain things which should NOT be blogged about. There is, surprisingly, a rather long list of these things. I do not wish to embarrass my children (too much.) I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't want to post about arguments or disagreeable things that will come back to haunt me later. I realize that, in the lifetime of this blog, I've done all three, without meaning to. And if there is something that I am particularly focused on, someone's performance in school, for example, or maybe an argument that I had with someone,.. If I am focused on that one thing, I may not be able to articulate much else.

And let's face it. I am a busy person. Between keeping my home livable and the floors relatively lego free, and making sure my children are getting to school, practicing piano, doing homework, getting to karate, between making dinner, volunteering, church, choir, and all that... well, I find I don't have a lot of extra time. And even when I do have a few moments, I would rather be reading or writing something else.

So.

There you have it. I will not be posting as often. I'm aiming for one or two posts a week. If we're all lucky, there will be photos.

I'm sorry. I really am. I have found that this blog is a treasure of past memories, a record of my children and how they have grown. I hope that not too many of you stop reading completely.

Happy Birthday Early

Happy Combined Early 150th Birthday to my parents, who we all love very much!

A Gift for Every Child

Even the furry ones.

Who doesn't like catnip?

Four Gifts

Peace:
1 - a state of tranquility or quiet
2 - freedom from oppressive thoughts or emotions
3 - harmony in personal relations
5 - a pact or agreement to end hostilities beween those at war or in a state of enmity

Hope:
1 - a desire accompanied by an expectation or belief of fulfillment
2 - to expect with confidence

Love:
1 - a strong affection for another
2 - unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another

Joy:
1 - a state of happiness or felicity

I wish you a healthy dose of each. For tonight, for tomorrow, for all of 2013. Forever.

Magical Thinking

My kids believe in Santa Clause.

I'm putting that out there because I know there is a time in every child's life when they stop believing, and I know that this may happen before I am ready.

One of my Facebook friends, someone I knew in high school, posted a query. Why do so many people lie to their children about Santa instead of simply promoting the giving of gifts as a good thing? I asked if we could do both, but what he wanted to know was, why lie at all? Why perpetuate the myth? (He grew up jewish, so he had no experience of it himself.)

My children are extremely sheltered. For all the garbage they pick up on their DS things, for all the chatter they hear on the bus, there is a major source on input they do not receive. TV.  Oh, they watch the TV. They watch DVD's and stream movies and watch episodes of all sorts of shows, not all given the MOM seal of approval.

But we do not watch network TV with our children.

This Christmas, the boys did not come to me with lists and lists of items because they didn't see the commercials so carefully crafted to make every child want, no NEED, every item on the face of the earth.

Last week, when a crazy person barged into a school and shot twenty children Nathan's age, my kids were not subjected to hours upon hours of the news. They were blissfully unaware that anything had happened at all. In fact, it occurred to me that I should probably bring it up, as they would pick up details from other kids, from overhearing the adults, and from the well meaning folk who keep walking in to various classrooms in order to "help the kids sort out their feelings."

I told Nick and Nate that a bad person came into a school and hurt lots of kids and teachers. "But not our school," Nick said. I agreed. And then I told him it was scaring a lot of people, but that to make the school safer, they were going to change a few things. (They are now locking the doors and added the security measure of placing an adult at the front door at all times. I've also been sent the link so that I can volunteer to be one of these adults, a measure which made me roll my eyes in exasperation, but that's a different issue.)

So my children are children. They are young, and they think young. This is something I am so, so grateful for. I have a sneaking suspicion that Nick suspects something about the Santa issue, but goes along with it because he is not yet ready to be "old enough" to not believe. He wants to stay a kid, and I'm going to let him for as long as he wants to be.

I told my friend that, yes, I did lie to my kids, although I don't really consider it lying. I did it not as a behavioral technique, to threaten them with coal when they don't behave, but so that my children can have those moments of magical thinking, those moments of wonder. We balance it out with gifts for each other, for our family. We give to the giving tree at the library and to food pantries and soup kitchens. And when they are old enough to want to stop believing, they'll stop. But I hope they will still remember the feeling of magic. I hope they will still find joy in the act of giving.

And finally, for the record, I want you to know that I misspelled the word "Believe" every single time I typed it in this post. That i-e thing gets me every single time.

This Crazy Garbage

Something happened Thursday night.

The phone must have rung, because I found myself listening to a message. It was one of those messages the schools have started using, they call you with a recorded message and it usually says something like "There is a 90 minute delay this morning due to snow / ice / the power outage." Or sometimes "busses 23, 17, and 8 are running twenty minutes late."

But it was 11:30 at night. and it was not, as far as I knew, snowing.

It was a message from a school district official who was rambling on about some threat to the schools in our town. He had heard about it from some people, and at first they thought it was for same-name town in CT, but then it turned out that no, it was for our town here in NH. And then he went to the police and it turns out the police didn't even KNOW about the threat, so now the town police knew and the state police too, and also the FBI, but don't worry, there would be a police presence at every single one of our schools the next morning.

I know we have to take threat seriously, but this message angered me.

Perhaps it angered me because, moments before getting into bed, I received an "invitation" from the PTA to all PTA volunteers to "man the doors" during school hours. See, after the school shooting last week, they have started locking the doors to the schools, and now they need people standing there opening them. This is called "increased security."

So if you're wondering what that looks like, take a look my way. It's people like me, with no training, with no special skills, just opening doors for however many hours. Forgive me my candor, and my possible coldness. I don't want to be insensitive or rude, but just how is this supposed to stop a crazed killer armed to the gills? I am not a maniac, have never held a gun, get nervous when I think a police officer is carrying when we're in the same room. But even I could figure out how to get past a couple of moms and two school secretaries. Except for the fact that there are only 7 parking spots in a school of over 700, and everyone has to walk a half mile. THAT's your security right there.

Anyway, Steve and I both listened to the message and decided that this threat seemed unfounded. It was... vague. We decided to send our kids in to school.

Actually, the next morning I asked the boys if they wanted to go. It was the last day of school before break, the day of parties and games and crafts. Of course they wanted to go.

So I sent them.

Many, many people kept their kids home. Why chance it? parents asked.  I could kind of see how that would work - last day, not missing anything academic. But hey, my kids complain about school so often that any day they want to go I will cling onto, Right?

Besides, I was supposed to be at Nate's party. And I could make Nick's library time.

It was pouring rain. I had to park a half mile away. I was lugging Nate's forgotten library books from earlier that week. When I got to the building, I was met by two police officials and the usual hallway greeter. They asked me for ID. I had forgotten mine in the car. The rain immediately picked up. My bag fell in a puddle. I wasn't wearing a coat. I arrived at the library dripping and freezing cold. I was snippy to the police and the sign in guy and had to apologize when I left.

Half of the kids in Nick's class were missing.

On the flip side, almost all the kids were in Nate's class.

It turned out not to be a viable threat. Because it was all so, "I heard from these people who heard from someone who read on this website" and junior high "he said that she said that SHE  said" and it turned out that the threat was, indeed, made for schools in CT. Also, there was some kind of threat tweeting making riot today that was somehow linked to the Mayan calendar actually HAVING AN END instead of, what, going on indefinitely? Don't people think that would be stranger? And I am just so ANGRY at the school district guy for feeling the need to leave a convoluted message RIGHT AWAY, spreading hysteria and causing panic. I'm angry at people for letting themselves be panicked and angry at the stupid stupid thoughtless and heartless people who think this is a laugh a minute and I hope they get what's coming to them, whatever that may be. Preferably life with no electronic devices EVER AGAIN.

I'm glad school is over. I'm glad we are at home for the next couple of weeks. I'm so happy to get to deal with family, but so angry at society and it's stupid rules and stupid laws that says I can't buy too much cough medicine for my kids but hey - I can walk into a Wall MArt and purchase rounds of ammo no problem.

My vacation is from society. I'm out.

Solstice

It's when the earth has tilted as far as it will go in one direction, and starts tilting back to the other side. Days will start getting longer again, which is great because these "days" are not even 8 hours long. You could literally sleep through the day without half trying.

This is my reason to celebrate. The renewal of light and life.

AS long as we're all still here tomorrow.

Busy Season

What Christmas Looks Like

This year, for teacher gifts, I decided to make tins of cookies.

I used to do this every year I was in HIgh School, for my teachers and my friends, thanks to Larissa. Larissa was very organized - in fact, she managed the whole thing. Which was great, because at the time I had the organizational skills of... someone with no organizational skills.

Even so, each year I would have a meltdown in the kitchen over making the madeleines, which require clarified butter, and always stuck to the pan. So this year, I remembered the chaos and decided to stick to four simple kids of cookies. None of which were the pre-made pillsbury kind, which tend to do this:

I spent all afternoon Monday making cookie dough. I baked on Monday night and Tuesday. I decorated the rest of Tuesday and into Tuesday night.  I over did it, actually. We now have enough cookies to pass out to another 10 teachers. But I don't care. We have them on hand, I can throw together a nice plate for emergency situations.

And during all of this,  the Elf had to remember to move itself every night. And the Tooth Fairy had to pay us a visit. And this morning Nate had to remember to wear green for Grinch Day, and Andy had to remember to wear red for his holiday concert. And Nicholas's teacher requested that we please make our child a special lunch for today, and put in a little gift, wrapped please, and the things our child love the most to eat, and then wrap the box itself, and them label it so there are no mix-ups as to who gets which wrapped lunch. Which is great because every morning I am in a rush just t pack my kids snack, forget lunch, which they usually get from school. I don't have time to make a special lunch in secret and then wrap it. So instead I make it the night before, and I was kind of in a panic about what to pack that would be OK to be packed 16 hours ahead of time. Also, Nick hates all packed school lunches except leftover tacos, and we didn't have any. And when the other two find  out Nick got a special gift I'm never to hear the end of it!

But now it's all done. 1 more teacher gift to deliver, and I'm all good. I just need to rush to the vet to pick up insulin needles, and then I can.... start wrapping gifts.

Christmas Time!

... kind of. We're getting ready.

Happy 5th Birthday Andrew

Happy Birthday to my amazing little boy! I love you so much, and I'm so glad you're you!

Hurt in the Heart

Yesterday I overdid it.

Andy was still out of school, but I had to drive there anyway to drop off the puzzle he was giving for the holiday puzzle swap. Then I went grocery shopping, because we had to eat. After that I drove to the school, for Nick's Library Time.

I'm comfortable at that school. I had to use the copier - I'm comfortable with the copier. I managed to create 200 double sided copies. My biggest concern that morning was not chopping my fingers off with the paper cutter. I know the library well, too. I can comfortably shelve books, find books, help kids choose books...

I must have overdone it. When I got home I was tired. I didn't fel sick. I felt tired.

And then I checked the internet. And read about the shooting.

I have to say, I didn't have an immediate reaction. I was getting snippets of information, nothing whole, and I had Andy to make lunch for and I was hungry myself.

And then I decided we would take a nap.

And then I started feeling really sick.

And then my head started pounding behind my eye. I had one of my headaches. I don't get them a lot. Usually I get them when I'm really stressed out about something. They are really bad. It hurts to move. It hurts to open my eyes. The light actually creeps through my eyelids and I have to bury my hed under a pillow, or in my case, pull my nightshirt, usually stored under my pillow, and wrap it around my head like a blindfold.

I blame the news.

I still had no grasp on what had actually happened. I kept asking "why would a person do this?" I wasn't dwelling on it, but it kept coming back to my mind. As if it mattered. As if there were ever a real reason for taking someone's life. Especially the life of a child. Let alone twenty. At a school, for God's sake.

I spent three hours in bed. I would stay motionless until I couldn't stand it anymore. Then I would check the internet for updates. Then I would cry some more, and then I would have to turn the computer off again because my head was pounding.

I have my own ideas about how such a tragedy happened. I have my own ideas about what should be done in response. No everyone shares those ideas. Some people feel the exact opposite should be done. I do not understand those people. All that I can hope for, now that my head is better and my mind has been able to wrap itself around the event, is that we as a society learn something from this. Maybe a few somethings.

Hitting My Head With A Hammer

After feeling sick for so very long, I've started to feel better.

It feels awesome, actually. I'm tired, and I still have a temperature over 99, but my body is not hurting. I'm congested, but my head doesn't ache each time I turn my head. It's not so much that I feel GOOD. It's just that I've felt so horribly horrible for what seems like so long, that just not being in pain anymore is euphoric.

Like that thing about hitting your head with a hammer. It feels so good when it stops.

From Here To Eternity

You know what eternity is?

You get a glimpse of it when you're really sick. I've felt it before, when I had food poisoning, and then when I had that stomach bug. And then, now.

It's that feeling of not remembering exactly what it was like to feel well. It's forgetting that there ever was a time I didn't have this congested head, a headache. Forgetting that I ever could take a deep breath without hacking coughing, or sneeze without severe pain in my throat.

You know how I know I'm really really sick? I have stopped even trying to keep up with the housework. I mean, the clean laundry is piled up on the laundry room floor, and I haven't cleaned the cat box in days, and there is cat litter getting all over it, and I don't care.

I know I'm sick because I don't even finish my first cup of coffee in the morning.

I know I'm sick because I would rather turn the TV on and let the boys watch it for the 6th day straight, even if I did find out they were watching Baby Bratz.

I know I'm sick because I'm spending my third day in this bed, and I'm not even trying to move. I will probably spend the rest of my life here, in this bed. I'm too tired to get out of it. Even when I get so thirsty my mouth feels like rubber.

Of course it really isn't eternity. And I can't imagine what it feels like to be really, really sick. To be on bedrest for months, to fight with chemo, or to live with a terminal illness. Then forever might actually be forever,  until the end.

I know, in my head, it won't always be this way. I know it's just for now, and that, at some point, maybe tomorrow, I'll wake up from one of these odd dreams I've been having, and the fist thing I feel won't be muscle aches or my head throbbing. It will be peace. I will be relaxed.

I'm just being a little dramatic at the moment.

This is karmic payback for sneering at those clorox wipes commercials, isn't it?

Cold Or Flu?

Today's episode of Medical Mystery: Is it a cold, or is it the flu?

We've been sick. I think I've mentioned that.

I can't tell you when I wrote the post about us being sick. I've lost track of the days. All I know is that I've been miserable for about... well, for about forever.

For a long time I thought that "The Flu" meant vomiting. A stomach bug. But I was wrong. "The Flu" is actually a lot more like a cold. In fact, the CDC website says it's almost impossible to tell the difference between cold and flu without special tests. The WebMD site says there is a slight difference in fever and muscle aches.

I usually let the indicator be the fever. If there is no fever, it's just a cold. Also, colds are much more common than the dreaded flu, no matter what panicked parents and doctors waiting to jab you with needles say. However...

I've been wondering if what we have could be the flu. I was sticking with Bad Cold, but then my fever spiked at over 101, and I'm the type that commonly registers in at 96.8.  It's very high for me, is what I'm getting at. That, and the boys have existed in three states of being: cranky and fighting, zombie, or asleep. Nathan slept for fifteen hours straight this weekend. And even when I thought it was over and sent everyone back to school, I was there 3 hours later picking everyone up again.

So... yeas, I have fever and muscle aches, which makes me think it's the flu. But then again, I'm sneezing and congested, which makes me think it could possibly be a cold. Of course, I'm a bit paranoid, and so I spent a little too much time on the internet researching the sound of the whooping cough, comparing them to the coughs that punctuate our daily lives.

Another thing - Steve is also sick. And a little over a week ago he received his first flu shot in years. So that reduces the chances that it's flu, right?

Except no, it doesn't because every flu virus is different, and the flu shot is merely the prediction of which strain of flu will be most rampant in the population, so if another strain of flu wins out or attacks, you could still get the flu, right? At least, this was what I understood.

In the end, I guess it makes no difference. Except that I like to know. If I can tell people "We all had the flu" they might be more inclined to let us off the hook and not worry about the homework we had to do.