I had a revelation not too long ago.
You know how I like to make lists? I make them compulsively. I schedule everything, from days to pick up the dry cleaning to days I should change the sheets on the beds. I write down everything from menus to shopping lists to jobs that need to get done around the house. And recently I've started planning a number of vacations.
Yes, vacations. Long, expensive vacations we will probably never take. Some to amusement parks, but many also to other locations - Australia. The Grand Canyon. Scotland. Disney World. Tokyo. China. Hogwarts. We can't possibly go to all these places. It's too much time, too much money, and... too much time. We can't fit every vacation in there before the boys will be off to college.
But I can't stop the planning. I just do it.
Recently I've decided I make all these lists and do all this planning because I like to feel that I am controlling something. When the reality is, I control nothing. I can't step into the shower and be sure no one will have lost a limb before I step out. Everything I do depends on the cooperation of everyone else in my household. Will I get to sit and read my book, or will my chair become a fort? Can I make my bed and have it stay made? No. Even the furniture gets moved around.
See the planning is an illusion. One that will make it look like I chose to eat ravioli again because I like them not because it's the only thing Nate eats. One that lets me pretend I'm going on vacation, because anticipation really does go a long way. And one that lets me feel like I am in control, when really, I am anything but.
1 comment:
But you are in control of something. You are in control of at least 3 little lives. You are guiding them into healthy, creative development every day. That's a HUGE something! The rest of the stuff is just ancillary, because what's for dinner or where you vacation isn't as important as a safe, loving home. Keep making the lists though if it keeps the chaos at bay & you never know when you'll get the chance to go to Australia & then you'll be prepared!
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