Darkened Windows

One of the things I love most about the holiday season is the decorations.

No, not the tacky, blow-up, blinky light kind of decorations. I prefer the white lights, the green branches, and colorful ribbons. Just yesterday I finally dragged my boxes of decorations out from the basement, and set up the electric candles in the windows.

This is a lot more difficult than it sounds. See, these candles have these itty-bitty bulbs, and when they burn out it is almost impossible to find a replacement. Also, the candles themselves are very light - lighter than the electric cords that plug them in. In many cases, the cords pull the candles right off the windowsills. I used masking tape to stick them in place.

I also told the boys that, yes, they were exciting and lovely, but that they were strictly off limits. No touching! In fact, if the boys played with the candles and broke them, then I would have to take them all down.

Two hours later... yup. Steve informed me that two of our children had been playing with the candles and had broken one of the bulbs.

And HERE, at THIS point, is what you call a crossroads. This is one of those moments when a parent can make one of two choices. One is right, and one is wrong. Or one is over-reacting, and the other is giving in. Or one is being ruled by your kids, and the other is actually letting them walk all over you.... There are actually many ways of looking at it, but in fact, I could either take the candles down, or go back on my word and leave them up.

I paused. I didn't WANT to take the candles down. I wanted to leave them up. And I frantically searched my brain for some way I could just keep them. But then Steve, who had been unaware of my previous ultimatum, announced that, in HIS opinion, we should not have the electric candles this year at all.

I would like to say I was immediately motivated by the right thing, but the truth is, I was fairly reactive as I stormed off to unplug the electric candles, ball up the cords, and place them back in the huge holiday storage box. But I wasn't. I was, actually, really mad at Steve. "Fine!" I shouted as I stomped up the stairs, acting like a child myself.

This will show him! I thought to myself. Only then I thought, show him what, exactly? Because Steve doesn't care about the candles. In fact, they are kind of a bother. I rush around and turn them on as soon as it gets a little dark, and I refuse to let anyone turn them off until we go to sleep. The kids are always playing with them. Bulbs are always burning out. Pets knock them over...

And after all, this is exactly what I said I was going to do. Remember that audiobook I got from the library, Scream-Free Parenting? It wasn't the most revolutionary parenting book I have ever heard, but it had quite a few really good points. I like to think that parenting books are mostly full of thing you already know, but don't think about in the right context. This book says, and I'm paraphrasing here: we should keep the promises we make to our children.

ALL promises. Promised you a puppy when you turned twelve? Woof! Said I would take your bike to Goodwill if you left it in the driveway? Goodbye bike. And in this case, I told my kids they needed to not play with the electric candles, or they would be removed. So, they would be.

Of course, I was really upset about it. And the boys didn't seem to care. Neither did Steve. In fact, I thought, the only one being punished was me! I tried to turn this around into a reason I could keep the lights up, but in the end I took them down anyway.

I drove off to choir grumbling and fuming.

The worst part was, I just didn't know why I was so upset. These were stupid window candles!

It wasn't until three hours later, after choir, driving home, that I figured it out.

When the candles are on at night, our home looks warm and inviting. You can't see the dry lawn in the front, or the fact the backyard was only mowed once this summer. You can't see the plastic toys scattered in the bushes, or the leaves we never raked up. The house looks, for a little while, like any other home in the neighborhood. It looks relaxing and cheery. You'd never know the floor inside was scattered with toys and socks and checkers from connect 4 games.

Once I figured it out, I wasn't really bothered by it all that much anymore. The reason just seemed so stupid. Instead I found this huge paper chain we made last year and slung it up in the dining room. I had kept the school holiday projects the boys made last year, and I hung those up. It's going to be OK. I think I did the right thing (even though my motivation was unclear.)

And there's always next year!