If you're in New York...

I just came back from New York.

It was a quick trip - down Friday, back Monday. I'm wearing exhaustion on top of my fatigue. And unless you are one of a few people, you either cannot or have already experienced the Main Attraction, which is my crazy family. But I did want to share two things in particular that anyone, Anyone At All can experience should they so choose.

And they should choose. To experience these two things:

1 - Peter and the Starcatcher. Saw it. Loved it. I don't see a lot of theatre these days, so you can keep that in mind when I say it's different than anything I've seen in years. Decades. It's fun - I laughed. It's touching - I cried. The boys loved it, and it is perfectly suitable for adults. And I'm not at all biased by the talented guy I know in the show. Who is Amazing! And would be, even if I didn't know him. See what I'm saying? See how that works? Good. Now do yourself a favor and go see it. Soon.

2 - Spadium. It's a spa. It's a Korean spa. I don't know much about Spas in general, so I wasn't sure what that meant, but Linda, who was the arrangement maker in this excursion, forwarded me this article. I read it, but still wasn't sure what to expect because, you know, people exaggerate. They go to spas a lot and get used to things a certain way, and then don't adapt well? But this spa actually WAS three flights of stairs down a creepy hallway. It was spooky. And then we had to take off every inch of clothing. And then these ladies in black lace bras and panties (and I mean lace lace, not just regular not-see-through material with lace on the edges) rubbed our bodies with sandpaper mitts for an HOUR. I mean, every inch of my body. My armpits. My neck. I recently went to my GYN for a lady visit, but this stranger who spoke almost no english got much, much better acquainted with my body. Then we went into the sauna, and I had Linda check to make sure my back wasn't bleeding. And then we went back onto the table for a massage and facial. Which apparently included a salt rub. Which hurts on freshly scrubbed skin. Also, the table was so slick with oil I thought I was going to fall off. The only non-slippy part of me was my face, which was firmly planted into the towel on the edge of the bed. Every once and awhile the underwear lady would splash me with a bucket of warm water.
Overall, this was a strange experience. I want to say I liked it, but my skin is a little sore. And rug-burnish in places I don't usually experience rug burn. Like my neck. It IS an experience, though. So you should try it if you're into spa stuff. I might go once more, just to make sure how I feel.

You are getting sleeeeepy...

Do NOT laugh at me. Seriously, do NOT make fun of me, at least not more than just a little bit.

A few months ago, I got this hypnotism app for my ipad.

Stop laughing!

See, it was free, and it was late at night, and I was browsing through free apps, and I found one that said "Sleep Soundly." And it was free, so I thought, why not give it a try?

It was this lady talking, and she didn't sound like a hypnotist. When I think about it, she sounded a little dazed, and slow, and maybe just a little stoned.

I think it worked. I say that because I never once made it to the end of the session. I always fell asleep first. Which was kind of the point.

After a couple of weeks I got a second session, which was also free. It was "past life regression." I followed the lady as she led me (in my mind) to the edge of a forest or bridge, and then I would wake up. I have NO idea what she said in the second half, and fell asleep each time.

I hadn't used the app in months, but the other night - again, past midnight - I was browsing apps and again I found a hypnotism app. A couple, actually. One was for weight loss - maintaining a healthy weight and emphasizing the paleo trend, one for sleeping a deep and productive sleep, and one for attracting your dreams and desires.

Snorting counts as laughing!

First of all, the speaker is much more professional. In my head, I picture B.D. Wong, He talks about hypnotism during the first part of each one, and explains how it's normal, and everybody does it without knowing it.

So, this is what I think: these hypnotism things work. At putting me to sleep.All of them put me to sleep. I can't tell you about weight loss, or attaining anything I desire, but sleep - yes. I listen to them, though. Something about the voice. I like it when I wake up and B.D. Wong is whispering in my ear, "lean cuts of organic, grass fed meat, some dairy, and whole grain breads."

Water Park

The kids bugged me to take them to Canobie Lake Park.

I didn't want to. It's not far. It's about fifteen minutes from our home, actually. Storyland is 3 hours north, and we've been there every single year since we can remember. But Storyland is geared toward tiny people. Canobie specializes in the types of rides that leave you brain damaged. Or that you actually have to be mental to go on.

Strap me into a tube and swing me 14 stories into the air while spinning me around backwards and twirling the whole thing upside down? Sure! Let me just grab lunch first.

I first went to Canobie Lake Park with my friends Julie and Betsy.  I thought Julie was lying when she said there was an amusement park up in NH. I seem to remember getting there late, going into the maze, winning some prize at the arcade, and then riding this raft water ride eleven billion times. In street clothes. Oh, and Betsy went on her first roller coaster?

This time, Nate wanted to go on everything, but Andy was too short, and Nick was too nervous to go on the roller coasters by himself. I talked him into going on the Pirate Ship Swing thing with Nate, and he said that was enough.

Convinced I could be Cool Mom, I drove the race cars with the boys, and then took them on the Twist and Shout ride. Like a tilt-a-whirl. I laughed for a minute, and then got that nauseous feeling. Seriously, these days a carousel gets me dizzy. I am officially a grown up, and can no longer enjoy bouncy spinny brain scrambles.

But there was one thing there we all really enjoyed. It was 100 outside. So, so hot. The hottest day of the year. Trust me, no matter who you were, you wanted to be right there.

Canobie Lake Park, 2013
Castaway Island

This one time...

So, I found this cartoon on Facebook.

I know Facebook is terrible and horrible and takes advantage of it's users and sells all of your private information to companies for billions of dollars, but it's all worth it to find this cartoon (artwork by The Awkward Yeti, it said) and remember this.

This story involves a wonderful friend of mine, Betsy. Betsy was my roommate, and she put up with me and my antics for a whole year. Not including college.

This one time, I decided we should go to the grocery store and each get our own pie. That way, I reasoned, we wouldn't have to share, or even be bothered having to slice it up first. We could just... dive in.

So I dragged Betsy to Star Market and all but forced her to choose a pie. I chose one for myself. We had two pies. And then we went home, settled ourselves in front of the TV, and began to eat.

After awhile, Betsy spoke up. She said she'd had enough, and was feeling sick, and wouldn't eat any more. I looked over at her pie. There was a small circular hole in the center, but it was small. It was maybe the amount of pie one would eat in a single slice. It was so tiny.

I looked at my pie. The crater I had made in the center was much, much larger. But I wasn't done. I could still keep going. And I did. I ate and I ate, and then I got this feeling. It wasn't because I was eating too much. I don't think I felt sick. I think it was more like a voice in my head saying, "Kathleen. You should not eat a whole pie. That is gross and wrong."

So in the end I ended up putting away my pie before I was done, even though I could so totally have eaten the whole thing, just because I felt it was the right thing to do. I didn't go the distance. I gave up.

I may need to try again.

The Great Job Search

So... I'm looking for a job.

There are a few things, making this hard.

First off, I haven't worked in 9 years. For some reason this makes potential employers see me as untrustworthy. Maybe they think I've just forgotten how to work, that I might have an urge to eat bonbons and put my feet up after only 20 minutes of hard... whatever it is this particular job requires.

There are other things, but I'm not going to get into them right now because this post is set up to be full of complaints as it is, and I don't want it to get too heavy and stale.

Anyway, I've been looking at all sorts of things, from jobs as teacher assistants to jobs as recruiting assistants to office manager positions.  I haven't gotten tired of looking on the job site, though. It's always a surprise, looking at the types of jobs it 'thinks' I might be interested in.

Order Filler, part-time, 3pm to midnight, M-F, 20 hours a week. Apparently you don't need math.

Environmental Test Tech. Because of my environmental background, I'm sure. Or maybe it was all the science?

Assembler I. Must be able setups systems.

Delivery Tech. part-time. At least 1 year(s).

Extrusion Supervisor. I didn't even know what this was. I had to look it up. Apparently it has something to do with jumpsuit clad smiling people and plastics. I've heard good things about plastics. But seriously, is it my science background?

Anyway, I'm still looking. I haven't given up. In the meantime, I'm thinking of emailing the job site and asking if they need a proofreader. Not that I'm a great proofreader, but I found those mistakes.

Things I've Learned Recently (or knew before but had to be reminded)...

 - I like to think I'm a person who likes heat. I prefer hot weather over cool weather. I used to think the heat couldn't really get to me. I was wrong. The heat makes me cranky and irritable, and amplifies every speck of stress in me until I'm made of it.

 - I was sure I could keep the house in order this summer if I tried to tidy it each morning. I was wrong. Three boys vs. one me. The move in different directions, and mess stuff up faster than I can tell them to pick up.

 - I was sure by now that we would be further along in this divorce process. As of yet, every little thing has taken me much, much longer to accomplish than I assume. I sit down to complete a paper, and I need two days to collect all the data. Or I realize I don't have some of the answers. Or I realize I need to make a phone call, and the other person will be available on Tuesday.

 - No matter how much I wish that wanting a job will count in some cosmic, bigger universe way, it doesn't. And it didn't.

 - I can want two opposing things at the same time. For example, I want that other job. I also want to put my kids on the bus and to be with them as soon as they get out of school.

 - As much as I wish I were one of those people who reacted to stress by doing more physical stuff and forgetting to eat, it turns out I'm a stress eater. I can eat nine donuts in six hours. Even though I'm trying to rid myself of the few extra pounds I've gained over the past couple of months, I seem to be gaining instead. And very quickly.

 - When family or friends send me emails or call me, just to check in, I feel better. When they ask if they can do anything and I say "no," it's because they've already done it. I am so grateful for all of them.

Thar Be Spoilers

So, I've been having a bit of a hard time of late. Steve and I are getting a divorce. I'm not going to get into the details of it here, because this is not the proper forum, but I can tell you about some of the side effects. The biggest adjustment for me, so far, is finding myself in a situation I haven't previously imagined myself in. I've been imagining myself married and a parent since I was a little girl. I never imagined myself divorced. It changes not only the way I look at myself, but by necessity it changes every other aspect of my life. At this point, practically everything is up in the air, and there is nothing settled.

I've tried and tried to come up with a way to describe what I've been feeling, and this afternoon I finally found a way. A strange, roundabout way, but.... hold on.

I've been watching this TV show called Pramface. It's a British TV show about two teenagers who have a one night stand and get pregnant. I know. I watch too much TV. And I know. You're wondering where I'm going with this. Hold on. I'll tell you.

In the last episode of the first season, the 18 year old girl goes into labor while out shopping with her 16 year old father-of-her-child. They rush off to get into the car and get to the hospital, but the boy has forgotten which level of the car park (garage) he left the car. Eventually the girl realizes she is too close to giving birth to keep wandering around a parking garage and takes shelter in a storage closet.

The boy, meanwhile, panics and calls his parents, who are traveling for the weekend as a plot device. Not only were they travelling, but they were hiking on a hillside with sheep, and his father had recently fallen and broken his ankle after telling his wife he lost his job.

Seriously, just hold on.

It reaches the part where the girl is screaming and crying and the boy is on the phone with his mother and emergency, and he says I don't know what I'm doing! I don't know how to do this!

At which point (and here is mine, finally) his father takes the phone and speaks his words of wisdom (more or less what I've written below, with my own cuts.)

Take a deep breath...I know you're scared, but this isn't about you... It doesn't matter that you don't know what you're doing. What's important is that you look like you know what you're doing... I'm sorry, but life is going to be like this from now on. Most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing, but when people are depending on you, you can't let them know that. You've just got to plant your feet and do your best. 

It actually gave me comfort, hearing that. Now, that might mean I'm in a super-low place, if I'm getting my words of wisdom from fluffy teen parenting TV shows. But it also might mean that there is value in everything, and that true things can be found everywhere. I choose to take things where I can get them, especially if I feel they speak directly to me. This thing that the father character said made me feel good because I suddenly remembered that, yeah, no one knows what they're doing. Who the heck knows how to get a divorce? Only a few crazy people who have done it more than a couple of times, probably.  And when it comes to that, I remember when I felt that way about doing laundry (which I now do in my sleep) and paying bills. For now, I'll just plant my feet and do my best.

What's My Scribble?

I got the boys journals, and in the summer I make them write something every day. Nick has taken to drawing elaborate and colorful images, and will actually write a few sentences about something he likes.

Nathan usually draws a circle and writes a word like "pie" or "fish."

But then this morning he did this. Let me know when you've figured it out.

Nate's Journal, July '13

Party Rockers

The boys get an allowance.

The idea is to give the boys their own money for doing things around the house - making their beds, feeding the pets, clearing the table, etc. For this they each get $2 a week, and they have control on what they spend it on.

I'm going to say that part again because it's the part this post has to do with.

They have control on how they spend their own money.

It's such a basic concept. And it seems so easy. But it is so, so, so very difficult.

First of all, they do not get to choose when they spend it. It's not like they can just drive on down to the store and buy some cracker jacks, they need to get to the store, which means convincing a parent (me) to take them to a store.  We don't live in a city. Any trip to a store will take an hour at least, and longer if it's crowded, or we can't decide on something, or can't find what it is we're looking for. The point being, taking the boys to the store is An Event.

And then once we get there, it is very very hard to relinquish control. The boys have to figure out what they can afford, first of all. And then from that pool of objects they usually pull out something... like... pokemon cards. We have, at last count, about 440,793 Pokemon cards already, all in different locations but mostly stuffed in the springs of our couch. I have given the boys boxes, bins, bags, and storage books, in an effort to convince them to pick them up, but they always seems to be on the floor on in the sink. So when they tell me this is what they want to get, I just want to scream "No! What are you, CRAZY?"

The same goes for poorly made plastic frisbees, erasers shaped like cats or food, and tiny stuffed animals that make noise.

But I have to let them buy these things. It's their money. All I can do it remind them that when I see these things on the floor of my house, I throw them away. The only things I try to restrict are food items (sweets) and things I find offensive (guns, guts, and gross language).

So when Nick asked for this Furby Party Rocker (ordered online, he paid me cash and I used points) I felt that I had to say yes. Then Andy wanted one, and he had just enough. And eventually Nate got one also.

These things don't have off buttons. They are smaller than normal furbies, and only have one personality. They like to 'wake up' at 4am. But they do this: sing in harmony.

So this happened... a Face Book Post

My Brother's Facebook status was as follows: On Facebook, sometimes you find out what your friends had for breakfast. Other times, you find out your big sister got married!!!!

I commented: I know, right?

My Other Sister commented: Haha. She sent me a text first. #favoritism


When I first saw the original post, the post that started it all, I yelped.

"Woohoo! Emily got married!"

Nick jumped out of his chair and shouted, "Cool!... to who?"



Which is kind of silly, really. I don't think Nick could remember a time when Emily and Kelly weren't together. I am overjoyed that it's made official, and wish the newlyweds all the good things in life.

Emily and Kelly - Just Marrried
I stole this photo from Emily's Facebook page, I hope she doesn't yell at me!
I'm just so excited and wanted to share the news with the whole entire world!