You are getting sleeeeepy...

Do NOT laugh at me. Seriously, do NOT make fun of me, at least not more than just a little bit.

A few months ago, I got this hypnotism app for my ipad.

Stop laughing!

See, it was free, and it was late at night, and I was browsing through free apps, and I found one that said "Sleep Soundly." And it was free, so I thought, why not give it a try?

It was this lady talking, and she didn't sound like a hypnotist. When I think about it, she sounded a little dazed, and slow, and maybe just a little stoned.

I think it worked. I say that because I never once made it to the end of the session. I always fell asleep first. Which was kind of the point.

After a couple of weeks I got a second session, which was also free. It was "past life regression." I followed the lady as she led me (in my mind) to the edge of a forest or bridge, and then I would wake up. I have NO idea what she said in the second half, and fell asleep each time.

I hadn't used the app in months, but the other night - again, past midnight - I was browsing apps and again I found a hypnotism app. A couple, actually. One was for weight loss - maintaining a healthy weight and emphasizing the paleo trend, one for sleeping a deep and productive sleep, and one for attracting your dreams and desires.

Snorting counts as laughing!

First of all, the speaker is much more professional. In my head, I picture B.D. Wong, He talks about hypnotism during the first part of each one, and explains how it's normal, and everybody does it without knowing it.

So, this is what I think: these hypnotism things work. At putting me to sleep.All of them put me to sleep. I can't tell you about weight loss, or attaining anything I desire, but sleep - yes. I listen to them, though. Something about the voice. I like it when I wake up and B.D. Wong is whispering in my ear, "lean cuts of organic, grass fed meat, some dairy, and whole grain breads."