I've been spending a lot of time thinking about this blog.
"Really?" you say. "Because you don't seem to spend an awful lot of time writing it any more!"
And you are right. I don't. I got distracted, and busy. I've started working - at a grown up job at a grown-up place. I can't write during the day, and when I come home I try to fit everything else in the world into the 2.5 hours I have with my kids - get them home from karate, feed them, make sure they do homework, practice piano or violin, bathe them, read to them, get them into bed.
After that I'm exhausted, but still I have a to-do list of issues I need to research, emails I need to return, things I need to do... It's backlogged because I make myself stop once it gets to be too close to 11pm so that I can sleep.
Only, depending on what I was just doing, sleep doesn't always come easily.
Time constraints aside, I'm not sure what to write about anymore. I don't want to write too much about work, because employers don't tend to like that sort of thing. I can't write about this divorce that I am consumed with because it involves another person who might not appreciate it and might take legal action. I'm speaking about my lawyer, although Steve might not like it either.
But I haven't given up. I'm still going to write. I'm still going to post when I can think of it, and when I have something to say. For the time being. Until the people viewing this blog trickles down to such a tiny little trickle and I don't feel like it any more.
So there.
That's my plan.
Showing posts with label job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label job. Show all posts
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Saturday, January 25, 2014
I Forgot Everything
Well, Hello there, Internet!
It's been awhile. Sorry. I've been kind of busy getting used to this new lifestyle.
Things are different these days. And I mean really, really different. For example, last year, when I had no job, I would fritter away the hours doing things like cleaning the house, doing the laundry, going food shopping, and cooking for my family.
Wait. No. That was all work. Not the kind of work people usually call "work," but hey, do YOU have fun doing laundry? Or any of those other things? If you say yes, I say you're a liar. Or else I say you should come over Right Now and do that thing you say you like to do. Because I no longer have the time to do them as I used to.
These days I need to fit all of the above into the weekend. That would be Saturday and Sunday. And those days include things such as karate. And church. And basketball. And even if those are every other week due to time spent with their dad, it's a lot to do in two days. I mean, I don't do the cooking, that would be silly. But today I went food shopping, cleaned the house, and did six loads of laundry. Not to mention run to Target because Nick needs dress clothes for his violin recital this week and Andy has been appointed the "bringer of the healthy snack" on Monday.
Doing errands on the weekend is strange. I used to do all my errands on weekend, but for the past ten years I've orchestrated my life around avoiding that very thing. I would go any day of the week, but not the weekend. Why? Well, it's crowded, for one. Because there are apparently a lot of people who work during the week and can ONLY shop on weekends. Many of these people do this as a family. This confuses me. Not the single parents with the kids, but the ones with two parents. Why do they do it that way? I mean, it's nice that they share the chore, but I wonder why they don't take turns. I would volunteer to stay at home with the kids.
Also, some places are not open during the weekend. Did you now the post office closes at noon on Saturdays? I learned this at about ten past noon this morning, when I tried to mail a package. I'm going to have to leave work early and rush to the post office if want to mail anything, or else wait for next week. SERIOUS cramp in my lifestyle.
But I got a lot done. Hooray! I'm just about at the point where I can sit down with a cup of tea and a notebook and do a little writing, something I haven't done it awhile.
Of course, tomorrow I will have to fold all six loads of laundry, but I'll get to it.
It's been awhile. Sorry. I've been kind of busy getting used to this new lifestyle.
Things are different these days. And I mean really, really different. For example, last year, when I had no job, I would fritter away the hours doing things like cleaning the house, doing the laundry, going food shopping, and cooking for my family.
Wait. No. That was all work. Not the kind of work people usually call "work," but hey, do YOU have fun doing laundry? Or any of those other things? If you say yes, I say you're a liar. Or else I say you should come over Right Now and do that thing you say you like to do. Because I no longer have the time to do them as I used to.
These days I need to fit all of the above into the weekend. That would be Saturday and Sunday. And those days include things such as karate. And church. And basketball. And even if those are every other week due to time spent with their dad, it's a lot to do in two days. I mean, I don't do the cooking, that would be silly. But today I went food shopping, cleaned the house, and did six loads of laundry. Not to mention run to Target because Nick needs dress clothes for his violin recital this week and Andy has been appointed the "bringer of the healthy snack" on Monday.
Doing errands on the weekend is strange. I used to do all my errands on weekend, but for the past ten years I've orchestrated my life around avoiding that very thing. I would go any day of the week, but not the weekend. Why? Well, it's crowded, for one. Because there are apparently a lot of people who work during the week and can ONLY shop on weekends. Many of these people do this as a family. This confuses me. Not the single parents with the kids, but the ones with two parents. Why do they do it that way? I mean, it's nice that they share the chore, but I wonder why they don't take turns. I would volunteer to stay at home with the kids.
Also, some places are not open during the weekend. Did you now the post office closes at noon on Saturdays? I learned this at about ten past noon this morning, when I tried to mail a package. I'm going to have to leave work early and rush to the post office if want to mail anything, or else wait for next week. SERIOUS cramp in my lifestyle.
But I got a lot done. Hooray! I'm just about at the point where I can sit down with a cup of tea and a notebook and do a little writing, something I haven't done it awhile.
Of course, tomorrow I will have to fold all six loads of laundry, but I'll get to it.
Friday, January 17, 2014
So Far This Week
So far this week I have:
- gotten myself locked out of my computer 2 times in 2 hours because I couldn't remember my login.
- walked into the supply closet thinking it was the copy room.
- walked into the bathroom thinking it was the copy room.
- gotten disoriented and walked in to someone else's cubicle.
- accidentally stapled my fingers together. With a stapler. And a staple. In my fingers. It sounds more painful than it was.
This week has been much better than last week. I'm surviving and feeling more confident about work and about getting to work on time and about getting everything around here done.
I'm all tired because I can't seem to make it into bed before 11pm, and I'm still trying to get up to work out. I'm not ready to give up, though. And on that note, I'm going to bed.
- gotten myself locked out of my computer 2 times in 2 hours because I couldn't remember my login.
- walked into the supply closet thinking it was the copy room.
- walked into the bathroom thinking it was the copy room.
- gotten disoriented and walked in to someone else's cubicle.
- accidentally stapled my fingers together. With a stapler. And a staple. In my fingers. It sounds more painful than it was.
This week has been much better than last week. I'm surviving and feeling more confident about work and about getting to work on time and about getting everything around here done.
I'm all tired because I can't seem to make it into bed before 11pm, and I'm still trying to get up to work out. I'm not ready to give up, though. And on that note, I'm going to bed.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
And Now, Week 2!
I survived the first week.
It was horrible. I mean, really just stressful and horrible and nervous and tense. I freaked out and felt pressured and didn't think I'd ever be able to pull it off. I was sure my kids felt abandoned, that they'd never forgive me, that my house would never be clean again.
And then came Friday.
Friday we had Unexpected Snow in the morning.
It was also Violin Day, so I had to drive the boys to the school so that Nick could make his 7:30 am violin class.
I used to stay with Nate and Andy until 8:20, when I am formally allowed to drop them off. But because I need to be at work at 8:30, I now have to turn the car around and drive back home so that Nate and Andy can get the bus at 8am, which will immediately take them back to the place they have just left.
It's so stupid. I feel bad for the boys. But that's how it has to be.
Except not this past friday.
Because of the Unexpected Snow.
See, Unexpected Snow causes traffic on the highway. It gets slippery. And suddenly a 10 minutes drive takes twenty.
I dropped Nick off and fled back to the car, determined to meet the bus so I could be at work on time. Ten minutes later I was a mile down the road. No one was moving.
And that's when I did it. You know what you do when you're so caught up in something, and you're so stressed out you can hardly stand it, but you have absolutely no control over the situation?
Um... I don't know the word for this. I want to say "make peace with it," because that's kind of what it is, but that sounds so hippy dippy and not at all like what you do. It's more like flipping a switch. It's more like me ranting and raving and flailing my arms around like a muppet and suddenly making a choice to just be late.
"You know what?" I said to my two quiet younger boys in the backseat. "This is the way it is. There's traffic. There's nothing I can do about it. And you guys need to get to school. There's nothing I can do about that. So I'll be late. Big deal. If that doesn't work for them, then there's nothing I can do about that, either."
I was there before my boss, who showed up all frazzled and frustrated. I was there before my co-worker (but that's not fair. She's 90 minutes away on a good day.)
And suddenly I feel a lot better about the whole thing. I will be as prepared as possible. I"ll do everything I can to make things run smoothly. But stressing out only stresses the boys out. We're all tired. We don't have enough time together. I want to make the time we DO have together be as unstressful as possible.
So... I've been calm today. I feel good tonight. I feel good about the week. I'm sure it will go more smoothly than last week.
Optimism.
It was horrible. I mean, really just stressful and horrible and nervous and tense. I freaked out and felt pressured and didn't think I'd ever be able to pull it off. I was sure my kids felt abandoned, that they'd never forgive me, that my house would never be clean again.
And then came Friday.
Friday we had Unexpected Snow in the morning.
It was also Violin Day, so I had to drive the boys to the school so that Nick could make his 7:30 am violin class.
I used to stay with Nate and Andy until 8:20, when I am formally allowed to drop them off. But because I need to be at work at 8:30, I now have to turn the car around and drive back home so that Nate and Andy can get the bus at 8am, which will immediately take them back to the place they have just left.
It's so stupid. I feel bad for the boys. But that's how it has to be.
Except not this past friday.
Because of the Unexpected Snow.
See, Unexpected Snow causes traffic on the highway. It gets slippery. And suddenly a 10 minutes drive takes twenty.
I dropped Nick off and fled back to the car, determined to meet the bus so I could be at work on time. Ten minutes later I was a mile down the road. No one was moving.
And that's when I did it. You know what you do when you're so caught up in something, and you're so stressed out you can hardly stand it, but you have absolutely no control over the situation?
Um... I don't know the word for this. I want to say "make peace with it," because that's kind of what it is, but that sounds so hippy dippy and not at all like what you do. It's more like flipping a switch. It's more like me ranting and raving and flailing my arms around like a muppet and suddenly making a choice to just be late.
"You know what?" I said to my two quiet younger boys in the backseat. "This is the way it is. There's traffic. There's nothing I can do about it. And you guys need to get to school. There's nothing I can do about that. So I'll be late. Big deal. If that doesn't work for them, then there's nothing I can do about that, either."
I was there before my boss, who showed up all frazzled and frustrated. I was there before my co-worker (but that's not fair. She's 90 minutes away on a good day.)
And suddenly I feel a lot better about the whole thing. I will be as prepared as possible. I"ll do everything I can to make things run smoothly. But stressing out only stresses the boys out. We're all tired. We don't have enough time together. I want to make the time we DO have together be as unstressful as possible.
So... I've been calm today. I feel good tonight. I feel good about the week. I'm sure it will go more smoothly than last week.
Optimism.
Tuesday, January 07, 2014
Thank You, Universe. Also, Help.
I am working.
And my that I mean I'm working outside the home. Someone actually hired me to do something for them. It's not an exciting something, it's a business something. It's so boring I want to stab my eyes out with a pencil, and I under estimated both how much I would miss my kids during the day and resent having to go to work because of it. I also underestimated how big of a transition this would be for my kids. I also underestimated how freakin' difficult it would be to come home at 6pm to make dinner, try and force children to do homework they've been ignoring, bathe them, clean up what I can, and prepare everything for the next day.
Honestly, I'm not getting paid enough.
Honestly, they'd have to pay me twice as much for this to feel worth it to me.
Honestly, I feel like such a slacker when I think of working parents who do this all the time.
Honestly, I've only worked two days, and once my kids are asleep I cry about it. I feel like I'll never have enough patience again. I'll never sit down at the dinner table with the kids again. I'll never be able to sit and read them a nice relaxing story because their bedtime is always going to be forty minutes ago.
Also, since I've started working we've had a number of home repairs happen, Andy ran a fever, Andy was "Star Of The Week" and I could neither come in and help decorate his "about me" board nor come in and read a story to the class. And then Andy got a rash I'm pretty sure is bedbugs. He won't stop itching his elbows, and I've had to do a lot of unexpected laundry.
I keep reminding myself that there are really good reasons I'm doing what I'm doing. I keep reminding myself this is a temporary job. I'm sure things will get better.
But it doesn't feel like it right now.
Right now this feels exactly like what I don't want.
There has to be a better way.
There just has to.
And my that I mean I'm working outside the home. Someone actually hired me to do something for them. It's not an exciting something, it's a business something. It's so boring I want to stab my eyes out with a pencil, and I under estimated both how much I would miss my kids during the day and resent having to go to work because of it. I also underestimated how big of a transition this would be for my kids. I also underestimated how freakin' difficult it would be to come home at 6pm to make dinner, try and force children to do homework they've been ignoring, bathe them, clean up what I can, and prepare everything for the next day.
Honestly, I'm not getting paid enough.
Honestly, they'd have to pay me twice as much for this to feel worth it to me.
Honestly, I feel like such a slacker when I think of working parents who do this all the time.
Honestly, I've only worked two days, and once my kids are asleep I cry about it. I feel like I'll never have enough patience again. I'll never sit down at the dinner table with the kids again. I'll never be able to sit and read them a nice relaxing story because their bedtime is always going to be forty minutes ago.
Also, since I've started working we've had a number of home repairs happen, Andy ran a fever, Andy was "Star Of The Week" and I could neither come in and help decorate his "about me" board nor come in and read a story to the class. And then Andy got a rash I'm pretty sure is bedbugs. He won't stop itching his elbows, and I've had to do a lot of unexpected laundry.
I keep reminding myself that there are really good reasons I'm doing what I'm doing. I keep reminding myself this is a temporary job. I'm sure things will get better.
But it doesn't feel like it right now.
Right now this feels exactly like what I don't want.
There has to be a better way.
There just has to.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Around Here
Here's what you've missed:
I forgot to inspect my car last month. When I finally remembered and took it in, I was told I could not have a sticker until I replaced three tires. Apparently it's not good when you can see the fabric underneath the rubber. They are run-flats, and cost over $200. Each.
The glass on the inside of my oven door shattered during a self-clean cycle. When I opened the door, half of the glass had already fallen into the oven, while the other half waited until I had cleaned up most of the mess to fall. The glass nuggets fell in between the oven and the door, onto the top of the oven door below, and then into the lower oven when I opened that one. I'm still finding glass bits everywhere. The oven is new from when we did the kitchen last year... just a little over a year ago. Guess how long the warranty is? Yeah.
Andrew is six.
I thought I was safe taking the cone off Gunther. I removed it long enough to clean it before noticing that one of his legs were already bloody from over-attention. So frustrating.
I got a (long term temp) job. This is a good thing. Only it is a bad thing. I am glad I got the job. I would have been devastated to not get the job. Only it's not that great a job. And I'm mourning the loss of the time I get to spend with my kids. I'm suitably terrified about childcare.
My house is a mess. I'm way behind on laundry. I'm yo-yoing between feeling on top of the world and all powerful and feeling taken advantage of and out of control. I'm sure cleaning my house while blasting music will help.
I forgot to inspect my car last month. When I finally remembered and took it in, I was told I could not have a sticker until I replaced three tires. Apparently it's not good when you can see the fabric underneath the rubber. They are run-flats, and cost over $200. Each.
The glass on the inside of my oven door shattered during a self-clean cycle. When I opened the door, half of the glass had already fallen into the oven, while the other half waited until I had cleaned up most of the mess to fall. The glass nuggets fell in between the oven and the door, onto the top of the oven door below, and then into the lower oven when I opened that one. I'm still finding glass bits everywhere. The oven is new from when we did the kitchen last year... just a little over a year ago. Guess how long the warranty is? Yeah.
Andrew is six.
I thought I was safe taking the cone off Gunther. I removed it long enough to clean it before noticing that one of his legs were already bloody from over-attention. So frustrating.
I got a (long term temp) job. This is a good thing. Only it is a bad thing. I am glad I got the job. I would have been devastated to not get the job. Only it's not that great a job. And I'm mourning the loss of the time I get to spend with my kids. I'm suitably terrified about childcare.
My house is a mess. I'm way behind on laundry. I'm yo-yoing between feeling on top of the world and all powerful and feeling taken advantage of and out of control. I'm sure cleaning my house while blasting music will help.
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