Lost In The Woods

I signed Nick up for a music camp last week. It was just a few mornings with the music teacher at his school, someone I admire greatly, by the way, for being able to choreograph a hundred and fifty kindergarten children singing A Grand Old Flag.

Anyway, this left me with two hours with the other two kids.

The last day, I thought I would take them to explore a trail our town had recently paved, a long stretch that used to have railroad tracks, but is now open to pedestrians, pooches, and bikes. Not knowing how long it was, or if it was paved the whole way, we started out just walking.

Nathan complained the whole time we walked away from the car, saying his stomach hurt, while Andrew ran ahead. When I said we were turning back, Andy cried, saying he wanted to keep going. Nathan started running back. Then Andy cried because he wanted me to pick him up and carry him.

Wait - this is just setting up. The real story is yet to come.

See, on our way back home, I stopped by this little nature conservation area. It's next to a couple of tennis courts and a playing field, and I have never stopped there. But another mom told me she heard there was a pond there, and maybe we should plan a picnic, so I decided to poke my head in and see what it looked like. I figured it would take us two minutes. Five minutes, tops.

I located the dark wooden signs with arrows that pointed out the trails. One said "Pond Loop East" and the other "Pond Loop West." And I figured we'd just start walking until, you know, we found the pond. I figured it couldn't be very big. Because we've lived here a long time. Years. Really close by. And driven by this very spot many, many times. How much space could really be back there, behind those trees?

Well, it turns out there can be a HECK of a lot of space back there.

We started walking and it was kind of nice, the trail covered in pine needles, the sunlight streaming through the trees. I carried Andy because he was so tired. And Nate carried a game cartridge for his hand held game system. I don't know why.

And after a little while, after a few wooden bridges and a few stepping over trees that had fallen along the path, I was sure we were almost there. And then, when I was sure we were just about to come back to the place where our car was, the path opened up to the pond, which was actually more of a big huge swamp. And we were all the way on the wrong side.

So we kept on. The bugs had found us out, and I had to keep rubbing my hand over Andy's head and legs to get the mosquitoes off him. (I DID put bug spray on us all, at the start of our first walk) And then I kept seeing the end. "We're there!" I'd say. And it would just be a bend in the path. "Look, the field!" Only it was some completely different field, overgrown and untouched for years, and I actually started wondering if we'd stepped through to another dimension and it was a hundred years later and we'd never find our car again. But we kept going. And then I was convinced we'd lost our way, and that, even if we found our way back, we'd never get back to the car in time to pick up Nick.

Andy was in good spirits, mostly because I was still carrying him. But I was worried because he wasn't wearing a diaper, and who knew when he'd pee all over me. Nate was quiet, and would run ahead whenever possible so that he could sit down for a split second before I caught up to him.

When we finally made it back to the car I realized there was absolutely no way we were ever going to sit down anywhere in that bug infested swamp of a pond with food to have a picnic. Also, I realized that I am an idiot who should have turned around as soon as I realized the pond wasn't Right There. Also, I'm carrying bug spray around in my hand All The Time now. Andy has bug bites all over his little body, especially on the back of his neck.

And to make matters worse, it turned out Nate wasn't fooling about the tummy ache. He's been throwing up for days now. Probably a mild something or other made ten times worse by being dragged through the woods for an hour.

Why and I such an idiot? And why do I feel the need to inflict it on my boys?