From The Heart

After much thought and careful consideration on behalf of Steve, myself, and Nick's Kindergarten teacher, we have decided that Nicholas will not go to first grade next year. Instead, he is going to take an in-between year in in a classroom set up for children who are old enough, but not ready for, the first grade.

I have to be very careful what I say here, because the words are forever. I want to make it clear that I love my son, and I think he is a wonderful, bright, and intelligent child. He is extremely articulate, and observant in ways many other people are not.

I was not surprised when Nick's kindergarten teacher brought this up. I know my son, I see what he does, and I had a feeling. Nevertheless, this was a very difficult decision to make. Every parent likes to think they would make the right informed decision, but when faced with the reality it becomes more complicated. We all want what is best for our children. The question is, what exactly IS the right decision. Should I fight for my child and insist that he go into first grade, even though it might be harder for him? Should I keep him back a year? What if he still doesn't get better and he ends up being older than everyone and still has trouble? What if I push him forward and he starts thinking he's dumb? Will he feel humiliated when he's older than everyone? Will he feel humiliated when he's in third grade and struggling academically?

Any decision made is one that I will go back to when he gets to be a teenager and things get harder, as they inevitably will. Whatever I choose, I will insist that our problems would have been averted if only I had chosen the other road.

Steve asked me not to talk about this on the blog. I think this was his way of protecting his son, so that what should be a private issue remains a private one, and not get blown out of proportion, making it more stressful for the little guy. I commend him for that. While the decision was being made, I did not post about it. I waited until now, when it's time to start thinking about school clothes and school supplies. After all, school is starting soon, and I wanted to talk about it, just a little bit, so that there would be no confusion. Really, if it isn't a big deal, then why shouldn't I be able to mention it, just to inform family and friends? And it isn't a big deal. It's an extra year. It's a year for him to get older and used to learning, an extra year before prom and having him leave for college.

We are excited to start school. OK, maybe not the kids, but I can tell you that I am very excited for the kids to be starting school. I can't wait. And I think this is going to be a great year for every single one of my kids! And for me. And for Nick.