Thar Be Spoilers

So, I've been having a bit of a hard time of late. Steve and I are getting a divorce. I'm not going to get into the details of it here, because this is not the proper forum, but I can tell you about some of the side effects. The biggest adjustment for me, so far, is finding myself in a situation I haven't previously imagined myself in. I've been imagining myself married and a parent since I was a little girl. I never imagined myself divorced. It changes not only the way I look at myself, but by necessity it changes every other aspect of my life. At this point, practically everything is up in the air, and there is nothing settled.

I've tried and tried to come up with a way to describe what I've been feeling, and this afternoon I finally found a way. A strange, roundabout way, but.... hold on.

I've been watching this TV show called Pramface. It's a British TV show about two teenagers who have a one night stand and get pregnant. I know. I watch too much TV. And I know. You're wondering where I'm going with this. Hold on. I'll tell you.

In the last episode of the first season, the 18 year old girl goes into labor while out shopping with her 16 year old father-of-her-child. They rush off to get into the car and get to the hospital, but the boy has forgotten which level of the car park (garage) he left the car. Eventually the girl realizes she is too close to giving birth to keep wandering around a parking garage and takes shelter in a storage closet.

The boy, meanwhile, panics and calls his parents, who are traveling for the weekend as a plot device. Not only were they travelling, but they were hiking on a hillside with sheep, and his father had recently fallen and broken his ankle after telling his wife he lost his job.

Seriously, just hold on.

It reaches the part where the girl is screaming and crying and the boy is on the phone with his mother and emergency, and he says I don't know what I'm doing! I don't know how to do this!

At which point (and here is mine, finally) his father takes the phone and speaks his words of wisdom (more or less what I've written below, with my own cuts.)

Take a deep breath...I know you're scared, but this isn't about you... It doesn't matter that you don't know what you're doing. What's important is that you look like you know what you're doing... I'm sorry, but life is going to be like this from now on. Most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing, but when people are depending on you, you can't let them know that. You've just got to plant your feet and do your best. 

It actually gave me comfort, hearing that. Now, that might mean I'm in a super-low place, if I'm getting my words of wisdom from fluffy teen parenting TV shows. But it also might mean that there is value in everything, and that true things can be found everywhere. I choose to take things where I can get them, especially if I feel they speak directly to me. This thing that the father character said made me feel good because I suddenly remembered that, yeah, no one knows what they're doing. Who the heck knows how to get a divorce? Only a few crazy people who have done it more than a couple of times, probably.  And when it comes to that, I remember when I felt that way about doing laundry (which I now do in my sleep) and paying bills. For now, I'll just plant my feet and do my best.