Cone Story

Gunther is wearing the "Cone Of Shame."

No idea what Im talking about? Go watch the movie "Up!" for heaven's sake! At least watch the first ten minutes. It won't help you understand what I'm talking about, but it is required if you want to be my friend.

Um. I'm sorry. I'm a little sleep deprived. Where was I?

Ah, yes, Cone Of Shame. You know, the cone you put on a pet to stop him from licking a wound. Or more specifically, in Gunther's case, to stop him from licking his legs for no reason until he creates wounds.

I have very little sympathy for him in this. He did it. It's his fault.

Anyway, with the cone on, Gunther is a little clumsier than usual. First of all, he has lost all peripheral vision, so he keeps bumping into things. Second of all, the cone keeps getting stuck on things, like the stairs or corners of furniture. Gunther can't figure out what's happening when he does this.

And once he managed to accidentally shut himself into the bathroom.

Where was I going with this? Oh! Yeah....

So last night Gunther started walking around the bedroom.

He sometimes does this when he gets hip pain. It's like he hurts standing and hurts sitting so he just keeps circling. Only he had the cone on, so he was walking around the bedroom very, very loudly, the cone scraping on every available item of furniture.

And then I heard him start to pee.

I might have shot up faster than when I hear unexpected vomiting.

I don't think I was yelling. The boys didn't wake up. I managed to lead Gunther, cone scraping, down the stairs and to the front door, where he could go outside and finish peeing without additional stairs.
While he was out, I prepared an aspirin tablet. Then I looked out the door and saw him disappearing around the side of the house.

I went to the back door and saw him walking to the woods.

And this was when I remembered that I hadn't put his electric collar on, the one that keeps him in the yard. Away from the street and other people's yards. And he has no peripheral vision.

Did I mention the snow on the ground? There was. Did I mention that it was 4:30? AM?  And pitch dark?

I decided I had to go out and find him. I put my snow boots on, and my coat, and headed out the front door.

But I didn't see him. I didn't see anything. It was dark.

So I went back inside and grabbed a flashlight, and went out the back door. I still couldn't find him. I saw his footprints go off to the woods, and loop around the swing-set and back around to...

This was when I heard him start barking at the front of the house. Impatiently. Because I wasn't there to let him it RIGHT AWAY when he came back.

If this had been it, I wouldn't be so cranky, but even after the aspirin, even after I cleaned up the pee in my rug, Gunther refused to settle down. And I was too riled up to go back to sleep, especially with the cone scraping and Gunther's loud breathing. Seriously, the panting... I think the cone was acting as a megaphone. And  Gunther kept coming over to the bed and looking at me, like I was supposed to do something.

It's not that I don't feel bad for him. I do. But the cone is his fault, and I can't DO anything about any of this.