What's In A Name?

The other day, in the car, one of the kids asked a question about a teenage friend of theirs.

"Why does he have one last name and his mom have another last name?"


I explained that their friend's mom gave her son her last name when he was born, but then when she got married, she changed her name so that she and her new husband had the same last name.

"Last names are funny things," I said. "Some people change their names when they get married and some people don't. And some people change their names back when they get a divorce."

I glanced in the rear-view to see what kind of reaction the boys would have to that.

There was a moment of silence while the concept sank in.

"Are you gonna change your name?"

Now, I already had the answer to this one in my back pocket, but I thought I'd feel it out. just in case.

"I don't know, what do you think?" I asked.

"But then we wouldn't have the same last name as you?"

"No. I would have my old last name and you would keep yours. What do you think?"

Well, it turned out there were three different schools of thought, and none of them were from who you'd expect. I'm not saying which kid had which reaction, but here they were.

One kid didn't care at all, either way.

One kid clung to me, as if changing my name would sever the bond between us.

One kid said he thought I should change my name back to my maiden name. And, to take it a step further, the boys should also change THEIR last names. It's a cool last name. Can we do that? Let's do that. And it was very important, and should be done as soon as possible. And why are you laughing, Mom?

I thought that changing my name when I got married would be a piece of cake. I would sign an official document, slip something in the mail, sprinkle it with fairy dust, and everything would be changed. I didn't picture standing in lines, paying change fees, spending the next eight years pointing to the stapled-in sheet on my passport (which I paid money for) which showed that I had changed my name just so they would let me on the plane / into the country. It was such a pain, in fact, that there are a couple of things I never changed at all. I still have a credit card in my maiden name. My AAA card, too. This would make things easier for me. If I were going to change it back.

But I don't think I am.

Long, long ago, when I had a job and co-workers, one of them explained how her mother chose her last name. She had been married three times, and had children with her second husband. When she divorced her second husband, she actually went and changed her last name... back to her second husband's last name. My friend explained that her mother had just wanted to have the same last name as her kids.

There are advantages to my maiden name. It's easier to spell. It's already written in a lot of my books. And I know plenty of mothers who do not have the same last name as their children. But still... I think I'll keep the one I have now. I can understand why that mother would want to have the same last name as her child. It's symbolic, sure. But it can mean a lot. And that one kid that clung to me? I want to stay as close to him as possible.