It's kind of different around here for a number of reasons. One of those reasons is that I am now the only adult living in this house. One, lone adult with three active boys. And two cats and a dog.
This means that I am the only one to clean up the messes, to dole out reminders, and to break up the fights. I am also the one to fix things, find things, and fetch things. I'm not saying that things were evenly spread out when there were two adults, but what backup there was is now gone.
I realized something needed to change because they have started going back and forth from this house to Steve's new place, and they are still not able to pack what they need. When I pick them up they aren't even wearing what I packed. Winter is coming, and they will need to be able to get their own stuff together, like coats, gloves, hats, clothing, books...
One afternoon, after a particularly stressful session of getting dressed for karate, one that involved hitting (not by me) and a lot of yelling (by me), I made the decision to step back. "I'm not keeping track of your karate gis any more!" I declared. "When you take them off, you need to put them where they go. If you don't and you can't find them, you will have to go to karate without whatever it is you can't find."
The next day I wrote their names in all of their things. The karate gis now have their names in them. So do their underwear. So do their socks. I now know exactly who leaves their socks in the car or the hallway.
I still dole out reminders, and still make myself responsible for giving the boys enough time to get their things together. BUT, I'm letting go a little. I'm letting Nick run his own bath. I'm letting Andy get his own snacks. I'm letting all three boys pick out their own clothing.
This is not a foolproof plan. For one thing, the boys don't always do what they are supposed to. I can send them up to get dressed and twenty minutes later they will be naked wrestling under Andy's bed. Beyond that, I have given up controlling every little thing, and there are many little things I didn't realize (until now) needed controlling. Such as when Nick runs his own bath, he needs to turn the water off before it reaches the very top of the tub. Also, he needs to use less than half the bottle of shampoo for bubbles.
The boys dress themselves but they don't always take the temperature or fashion into account. Nate tries to wear shorts every single day. On school picture day, Andy wore the blue, short-sleeved, button down shirt with the lobsters on it, with a blazer, plaid shorts, and Nate's old brown shoes with ankle socks. Today Nick wore bright blue sweatpants, his old T-ball shirt, and a cashmere sweater he got for Christmas.
Beyond all of this, Andy has taken the direction for getting things himself as an invitation to meddle in anything he finds. He opened the plastic bag in the back of the car keeping the storage net contained. He also pulled the tab on Steve's inflatable life-vest, making a huge noise and inflating the vest in less than a second.
It's going to be tough, but right now the boys are helping me clean up after dinner, feeding the pets... it won't be long before they can pack their own bags for overnights with their dad and remember what they have to do for homework.
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