One Flew Over...

Today was one of my crazy days.

Oh no, Kathleen! I'm sure you don't have crazy days? What could possibly have happened that would make you say that?

Well... I'll tell you.

Earlier this year, sometime around Christmas, Nick's fingernails started breaking off near the base. Not all of them, just three. And we went to see the doctor, who was not terribly concerned, but she wasn't sure what to make of it, and so referred us to a dermatologist. The dermatologist's office scheduled an appointment for over a month in the future - for today.

Nick's fingernails are better now. Which is to say they are a little bumpy and short, but they are growing, and seem fine, and not ugly yellow spreading to other fingers. But I decided to keep the appointment anyway, since it took so long to get. If I still had it, because there was no call reminding me we had it.

I kept Nick out of school to make the appointment, because it was in the middle of the school day, and he's only be there for an hour before I had to pick him up. The actual time of the appointment is exactly the time I try to get the boys down for a nap - not a big deal for Nick, but Nate and Andy were going to have to tough it out. Steve had to go to a meeting, and I made the choice to bring the other boys and not bug Lillian. How long could the appointment take?

I found the office park easily enough, but it was hard to confirm the building was correct because the number was so small. I put Andy in the stroller to make things easier. The dermatologists office was on the second floor. After some walking around, a lady from a different office came out and told us there was no elevator, we'd have to take the stairs or walk around the icy building, so I hauled the stroller up the stairs.

By this time I'd forgotten the suite number, so we walked around until we found the office. The receptionist.... how can I put this. Have you seen Ghostbusters? You remember the receptionist and her nasal, eye rolling look, filing her nails on the phone? A wealth of welcoming warmth and kindness compared to the look I got from this lady, who looked at me as though I were wearing my hooker attire.

"Um... I think we have an eleven thirty?"

"Name."

"Nicholas"

She looked down, but didn't smile. "You do."

She then went on to inform me that we had no referral. "Are you sure?" I asked,"Because we made the appointment a while ag-" "I'm sure." she interrupted without looking down. "But you can sign a waiver for today's visit since you don't have one."

She then handed me ont one, but two clipboards, a pen, and picked up the phone.

I had to wrangle the boys, who were wired, and were trying to sit in each of the chairs in the waiting room, obviously much to the annoyance of the one other person in there. I sat them down, but I could tell I had only moments, so I quickly turned to the first item which stated "I understand that my insurance is not paying and that I am resonsible for all costs..." and I saw RED.

Because, to me, she didn't care if we had a referral. She didn't look. And here we were, at an appointment that would very likely cost us and arm and a leg for a condition that needed care a MONTH ago, but was BETTER now, and this lady was just so RUDE, and the boys were already out of their seats...

"You know what?" I said, standing and tossing the clipboards on the desk. "I'm sorry. I just... if we don't have a referral, I can't pay for it... and.... I'm sorry."

I turned and swept the kids through the door. "Are you sure?" she called out, her face a maske of shock, phone still to her ear, "Because referrals usually come through quick-"

But I was already crying. "Not today!" I shouted. And left.

I hate this about myself - that I can let things overwhelm me so much that I break down, no matter where I am, no matter who is watching. I hate that I couldn't just suck it up and follow through with the appointment, but I couldn't. I couldn't stand to be in the office one secod further, and to make these people DO THEIR JOBS and call the pediatrician again and get the referral over again... for something that was no longer a problem...


So yeah, that crazy lady, sobbing behind the wheel of her minivan? Yeah, that was me.