I didn't, really. Nothing extremely bad happened, and by that I mean that we have reached this point, where the boys are in bed, everyone has been fed, we are all safe and fed, and there are no impending disasters.
And yet... yet today would not be considered what I call "an easy day."
Last night Steve spent the night in his new place, which is not too far away. Change isn't always bad, but it's always change, and it takes time to adjust.
One of the boys wet the bed, and it wasn't the one I'd expect. I discovered this later in the day, after the mattress had the chance to soak everything up.
I didn't get a job today. Again.
But I did get to see some of the jobs I applied for previously re-appear on the boards. Meaning that whoever was in charge looked at my application and decided NOT that they were better off hiring a better applicant, but that they were better off hiring NO applicant.
This includes the job as a lunch lady at a nearby school.
Steve and I had a talk about issues surrounding the divorce, and while it wasn't a horrible conversation, it was tense and emotional, and after he left I cried, as I do every single time.
The refrigerator suddenly began leaking water from someplace in the freezer, because what I need now is a broken fridge leaking water all over my kitchen. It occurred to me that I have no idea how the thing is even hooked up. I switched the ice maker off, which stopped the water pouring out the bottom, and vowed to clean under my fridge soon because it's gross down there.
I didn't write the thing I told myself I was going to write today.
I spent 20 minutes arguing with Andy about who was going to use my ipad. (um, me?)
It took the boys forever to get dressed for karate, even though I gave them 45 minutes of heads up.
I lost my car keys just before it was time to leave for karate. After yelling at the boys to hurry up because it took them so long.
In the car, I started thinking.
I used to know some people who were just so pessimistic. Nothing was ever right for these people. Life was, and for some of them is still, a series of unfortunate events. "Why do I have such bad luck?" they moan. I knew a lot of these people in High School - which is to be expected, teen angst and all. Also, I feel that at that age, kids haven't always learned to take responsibility for what happens. (I broke my arm! Dude, you were skateboarding on a wall.) In college I knew a few, too. Some of these people are still this way.
I decided I could very easily be one of those people if I didn't snap out of this really soon.
I've read that we make our own luck. Not by actually doing anything, but with our state of mind. If we can see the good stuff, then we are happier, feel luckier. And to be honest, other people are more likely to smile at you and be nice to you, completing a sort of cycle, when you smile and don't radiate discontent and gloom.
So I started making a list of all the things that went well today.
Nathan lost a tooth.
Andy and I had a really good time sitting in bed playing a hidden object game.
Before that, we went grocery shopping and also had a great time.
I had a nice talk with a local 12 year old who was excited to show me his Magic cards. One was from as far back as 1994. Which, I think, is just about when my friends were all playing Magic. I never understood it, but still loved that this kid was playing.
Tonight, after dinner, I had a glass of wine.
The boys helped me clean up after dinner.
I don't have to get up early tomorrow. For anything.
Some people see the glass as half full, and some see it as half empty. But if you look at things from the right point of view, it's all going to be OK, which is way more important. I feel better now that I've thought about the positives. I feel more in control, more satisfied. More empowered. The glass is always full. It's half liquid, and half air. And air is better than nothing.
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