One Last Night

This is it. Christmas break is officially over.

It was hardly a break for me. I was working most days. But even so, I didn't have to pack lunches in the mornings, I had a very light commute, and for the most part the boys were with Steve, so I had evenings to relax in (or do laundry in, but still...)

Tonight after dinner I asked the boys to shut off their screens and get ready for bed, and the realization hit. Tears were shed, complaints were made, and we reached a verdict: School Sucks.

It just does. Sorry. You have to sit there and pay attention to stuff you don't care about, do work you hate, and no one is paying you for it. Maybe people pick on you in the halls. Maybe you hate the horrible cafeteria food. Then you go home and it's still not done because you have to do the HOMEwork they give you, and study for tests on the stuff you don't care about. And it's hard and uncomfortable and so exasperating.

Today I marked up the schedule with the events of the month. I posted the boys' individual schedules - the days they have gym or library, so sneakers will be worn and books returned. I posted the rotating instrument schedule so the flute and the violin have a better chance of being there on the days they are needed. I posted individual index cards with events so unusual they'd be forgotten... Student Council meeting 8am Wednesday. Basketball 10:30 Saturday.

It wasn't a vacation for me. I was working. But these are things I didn't have to do or deal with for a couple of weeks, and now  will be dealing with them again.

Tomorrow morning, wake to alarm (6:30 of sleep if I fall asleep right now.) Work out. Get the boys awake. Feed them. Clean up after them. Pack snacks / lunches. Shower while supervising boys getting dressed (which means getting walked-in on three or four times in the shower.) Get the boys on the bus. With backpacks. And snacks. And library books and / or gym sneakers and / or instruments. And sheet music. And school folders. Rush for car the moment children are gone and spend 30 minutes doing a 10 minute drive.

I can do this.

It Came Without Ribbons... It Came Without Tags... But was it any good?

One of the reasons I brought back this blog is because I didn't make it through Christmas without it.

This was a tough Christmas for many reasons. It's actually the second Christmas since Steve and I split up, so although that's still hard emotionally and scheduling-wise, we did have last year to fall back on. But this was my first holiday as a working mother, and that, THAT, made things very difficult.

It's not like my workplace didn't recognize the season. It did, actually, far before I was ready for it. There were a number of organized gift buying efforts for needy families and needy children. There were gift swaps and holiday parties and everyone gave everyone else small token gifts...

But I wasn't buying it.

I wasn't feeling it.

I was struggling to find time to buy a tree, put up the tree, decorate the tree. I ordered holiday cards and accidentally ordered only one. I didn't know what to get anyone. Including my own children.

And I wasn't blogging.

When people asked me what the kids wanted I threw together an email and forwarded that email to a number of people. Over the years I'd developed a system over this blog where I could add to the list and delete anything I knew was purchased. That helped keep duplicates at bay...

People told me what they were getting the boys, but I was either confirming that the boys had asked for those gifts, or not hearing anything at all because all I could think about was the fact that I had decided to make 30billion cookies as gifts for everyone in the world this year...

And some people told me what they had already gotten the boys. And sometimes I already knew those were duplicates. But I wasn't entirely sure what to do about that. Do I tell the gift giver that those gifts need to be returned and something new purchased for my precious baby boys? Do I go back out myself and buy new things, even though I could barely scrape up enough time to go shopping the first time? Neither seemed like good choices, and so I let it go, reasoning that some of these items were useful to have plenty of. That the boys have two homes now so they could keep toys in two places. That we could keep things quiet and not hurt any feelings.

I also didn't have a lot of time to spend at home. One day was all I had, between work and the boys' play rehearsal. Some people thought I was crazy for attempting to make the drive home for one day, but I felt like I was failing at so many other things that I didn't want to give it up. I was trying to do everything, to see everyone...

Well, I tried not to let anyone feel slighted. I tried to keep things casual and light and non-stressful because I already had stress thickly bleeding out of my ears, but not everyone can take these things with a grain of salt. So not only did I fail in the holiday card department, the decorating department, the time-spent department, and the gift giving department, I seemed to have failed in the joy-of-the-season department and I humbly apologize to those people (everyone)  I inconvenienced and / or hurt with my lack of communication. It was a rehearsal. I'll do better next year, for the real performance.

It's just that I wasn't feeling Christmas this year. Even now, after all the gifts have been opened and the dry pine needles are raining off the branches of our tree, I feel as though I skipped it. I missed it. I never caught that Holiday Spark.

Maybe for a few moments. At church. During the Christmas Eve service when we were all singing carols in the dark, candles lit, and the director stopped playing the organ... it was just our voices in the vast old space, warm with bodies close to bodies, and a certain kind of hope and belief in new things.

Next year, things will be different.

Peace, Joy, and Health

T'was the day before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a mouse.

The sun rose and still
The pets slept without care
'Cause the boys that lived
In the house weren't there.

The mom, she was tired
And not yet done napping,
For very late into the night
She'd been wrapping.

The day stretched ahead
With cleaning and baking,
And would end at the church
With some fun music making.

She'd run back to the house
When that was done
Where her boys would be waiting
Fresh from Christmas Even Fun.

This year is different.
This year is new.
But the message carried
On by this season is true

The days will get brighter.
Up ahead, there is hope.
Remember that, when you're
At the end of your rope.

And today, take a breath.
Let it out. Take another.
While I spell out the things
We all wish for each other.

I wish you all Happiness,
Peace, Joy, and Health.
I wish you all Comfort,
And Spiritual Wealth.

May your Holiday Time
Be full of great cheer,
May Love and Compassion
Be with you this year

Now I have to go,
'Cause on time, I am tight.
Merry Christmas to all,
And to all a Good Night!

Slideshow

OK, so for a little while now I've been all talk and nothing to show for it. Blah blah blah... show us some photos, Kathleen, or we're hanging up on you.

Fine.

Here's the catch: I don't have any new photos of the boys. I'm sorry, but when I'm with them we seem to be either doing stuff, or rushing to get somewhere, and when we're not doing those two things we're either eating or hanging out watching Dr. Who.

I do, however, happen grab my camera every once and awhile to capture other things. Such as...

These cookies I made:

This birthday cake I made for Andrew. Taste the rainbow!:

My broken oven:

The snow that snowed:

Some of my favorite Christmas Ornaments hanging on our tree:

Hard To Shop For

I never know what to get anybody.

This video.... didn't really help. Much.

But it made me feel better about not knowing what to get folks. Maybe I'll just make everyone some cookies.

Seriously, people should consider charity gifts. More often than they do.

Dear Santa

It's been a crazy year.

Do I need to go into more detail? Because I don't really want to. And you're supposed to know everything - or at least see us when we're sleeping and know when we're awake. Etc. But if for some reason you need more information, I'll just say that it's been so crazy and I'm so far behind on my holiday lists and planning and shopping, that I don't even know what I should be writing down, here. Can you fit a trip to the Bahamas in your Santa Sack?

Seriously, I'm excited for Christmas. I've been sorting through Holiday songs for a couple of weeks already, and I've been waiting for Thanksgiving to be over so I can start putting up bells and paper chains and plastic green wreaths. You don't really have to bring anything but peace and goodwill.

The boys, though... I'd like to see the boys get things they want. Its been a tough year for all of them, and I've made quite a few half promises I'm not sure I can fill. At this point I'd like to shower them with stuff, every little thing they want. But I can't, and I shouldn't, so I'll just put this stuff down and I'll be leaving some of it to you.

Here is all we can ask for. As usual, items may be added or removed, so check in before you commit. See the top of the blog? Where it says "What Do The Boys Want For Christmas?" That's where you click, even when I post new things. And if you know you're getting something, let me know and I'll remove it so it doesn't get doubled.

Things all three boys might like:
Legos
Notebooks and pens or markers
Board games of kids games they  can play together.
Outside toys - I promised the boys new bikes in the fall, as the ones they've been using are getting small, have flat tires, and all 3 of them now ride without training wheels! But they would also like roller skates, scooters, balls... 
Duffle bags / gym bags - the Wall-E suitcases they've been using to go back and forth to their Dad's are old and too big for a simple overnight, and they could use gym bags for karate.
Nightlights
Rainbow Loom
Trips and visits - the boys love you and want to spend time with you. Come visit them. Take them to the zoo, or to the movies, or for a walk. Or make cookies with them. You plan it, I'll make sure it happens. They'll love it.


Nick - 9 years old
Pants: 8
Shirt: 8-10 (Med)
PJ's: 10
shoe: 4
asking for: DS games (Pokemon X, Pokemon Emerald), Rainbow Loom kit, Furby Boom, iPod (do not get him an ipod), a soft sweater (he wants cashmere, but he's 9,) House of Hades by Rick Riordan, Spirit Animal books (it's a series. I think.) A frog (do not get him a frog.)
Also likes: Pokemon, Harry Potter, Cats, Owls, Minecraft, Karate, Roblox

Nate - 7 years old (8 on Jan. 16)
Pants: 8 (needs pants)
shirt: 8-10 (med)
PJ's: 10
shoe: 3
asking for: DS games (Pokemon Y, Scribblenauts - unlimited if they have it), iPod touch (do not get him an iPod), Piranha Panic (it's a game), Legos (no girl legos), A Watch That Makes You Teleport (?) , a Toy Set of Dr. Who with any Doctor (there are 12) and a Sonic Screwdriver. And a composition book.
Also likes: Football, Dr. Who, Goosebumps, Minecraft, Roblox, Pokemon, Poetry

Andy - 5 years old (6 on Dec. 17)
Pants: 5 (6)
shirt: 5/6
PJ's: 6-8
shoe: 1 / 1.5
asking for: DS games (Pokemon X, Pokemon Y, Plants vs. Zombies 2 ), a hermit crab, Dr. Who stuff, a cat stuffed animal, an owl stuffed animal, Rainbow Loom Kit, Science Kit (Truth or myth - as seen on lakeshorelearning.com), Beginner's Science Lab (lakeshorelearning.com), Solar System Fact Finder and Programmable Rover Robot (lakeshorelearning.com)
Also likes: Cats, Dr. Who, Pokemon, Drawing

A Gift for Every Child

Even the furry ones.

Who doesn't like catnip?

Four Gifts

Peace:
1 - a state of tranquility or quiet
2 - freedom from oppressive thoughts or emotions
3 - harmony in personal relations
5 - a pact or agreement to end hostilities beween those at war or in a state of enmity

Hope:
1 - a desire accompanied by an expectation or belief of fulfillment
2 - to expect with confidence

Love:
1 - a strong affection for another
2 - unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another

Joy:
1 - a state of happiness or felicity

I wish you a healthy dose of each. For tonight, for tomorrow, for all of 2013. Forever.

Magical Thinking

My kids believe in Santa Clause.

I'm putting that out there because I know there is a time in every child's life when they stop believing, and I know that this may happen before I am ready.

One of my Facebook friends, someone I knew in high school, posted a query. Why do so many people lie to their children about Santa instead of simply promoting the giving of gifts as a good thing? I asked if we could do both, but what he wanted to know was, why lie at all? Why perpetuate the myth? (He grew up jewish, so he had no experience of it himself.)

My children are extremely sheltered. For all the garbage they pick up on their DS things, for all the chatter they hear on the bus, there is a major source on input they do not receive. TV.  Oh, they watch the TV. They watch DVD's and stream movies and watch episodes of all sorts of shows, not all given the MOM seal of approval.

But we do not watch network TV with our children.

This Christmas, the boys did not come to me with lists and lists of items because they didn't see the commercials so carefully crafted to make every child want, no NEED, every item on the face of the earth.

Last week, when a crazy person barged into a school and shot twenty children Nathan's age, my kids were not subjected to hours upon hours of the news. They were blissfully unaware that anything had happened at all. In fact, it occurred to me that I should probably bring it up, as they would pick up details from other kids, from overhearing the adults, and from the well meaning folk who keep walking in to various classrooms in order to "help the kids sort out their feelings."

I told Nick and Nate that a bad person came into a school and hurt lots of kids and teachers. "But not our school," Nick said. I agreed. And then I told him it was scaring a lot of people, but that to make the school safer, they were going to change a few things. (They are now locking the doors and added the security measure of placing an adult at the front door at all times. I've also been sent the link so that I can volunteer to be one of these adults, a measure which made me roll my eyes in exasperation, but that's a different issue.)

So my children are children. They are young, and they think young. This is something I am so, so grateful for. I have a sneaking suspicion that Nick suspects something about the Santa issue, but goes along with it because he is not yet ready to be "old enough" to not believe. He wants to stay a kid, and I'm going to let him for as long as he wants to be.

I told my friend that, yes, I did lie to my kids, although I don't really consider it lying. I did it not as a behavioral technique, to threaten them with coal when they don't behave, but so that my children can have those moments of magical thinking, those moments of wonder. We balance it out with gifts for each other, for our family. We give to the giving tree at the library and to food pantries and soup kitchens. And when they are old enough to want to stop believing, they'll stop. But I hope they will still remember the feeling of magic. I hope they will still find joy in the act of giving.

And finally, for the record, I want you to know that I misspelled the word "Believe" every single time I typed it in this post. That i-e thing gets me every single time.

Busy Season

What Christmas Looks Like

This year, for teacher gifts, I decided to make tins of cookies.

I used to do this every year I was in HIgh School, for my teachers and my friends, thanks to Larissa. Larissa was very organized - in fact, she managed the whole thing. Which was great, because at the time I had the organizational skills of... someone with no organizational skills.

Even so, each year I would have a meltdown in the kitchen over making the madeleines, which require clarified butter, and always stuck to the pan. So this year, I remembered the chaos and decided to stick to four simple kids of cookies. None of which were the pre-made pillsbury kind, which tend to do this:

I spent all afternoon Monday making cookie dough. I baked on Monday night and Tuesday. I decorated the rest of Tuesday and into Tuesday night.  I over did it, actually. We now have enough cookies to pass out to another 10 teachers. But I don't care. We have them on hand, I can throw together a nice plate for emergency situations.

And during all of this,  the Elf had to remember to move itself every night. And the Tooth Fairy had to pay us a visit. And this morning Nate had to remember to wear green for Grinch Day, and Andy had to remember to wear red for his holiday concert. And Nicholas's teacher requested that we please make our child a special lunch for today, and put in a little gift, wrapped please, and the things our child love the most to eat, and then wrap the box itself, and them label it so there are no mix-ups as to who gets which wrapped lunch. Which is great because every morning I am in a rush just t pack my kids snack, forget lunch, which they usually get from school. I don't have time to make a special lunch in secret and then wrap it. So instead I make it the night before, and I was kind of in a panic about what to pack that would be OK to be packed 16 hours ahead of time. Also, Nick hates all packed school lunches except leftover tacos, and we didn't have any. And when the other two find  out Nick got a special gift I'm never to hear the end of it!

But now it's all done. 1 more teacher gift to deliver, and I'm all good. I just need to rush to the vet to pick up insulin needles, and then I can.... start wrapping gifts.

Christmas Time!

... kind of. We're getting ready.

Ooshykablob

Andy, looking like an Elf.

For my birthday last year, someone gave me an Elf-On-The-Shelf.

When I was a kid, Santa knew who was naughty or nice because he Just Knew. He was always watching. like Big Brother. Like the yet unformed Homeland Security. All knowing and all powerful, and you better think twice before wonking your brother over the head with that doll, even if he DID chew her fingers off.

These days, despite the advances in technology, Santa relies on a team of tiny and terrifying looking elves. Elfs? Elves? What's the plural here? Anyway, Santa uses them.

You get this Elf, which is supposed to sit on your shelf and keep a watch on your kids. The elf looks like a little doll, in that it doesn't move, and it's got a frozen expression. In this case, the expression is eerie and more than a little frightening.

To make matters worse, the elf MOVES IN THE NIGHT. YES! At night it travels back to the North Pole, fast as lightening, and then reappears at dawn in a different location, to see how the kids act from different angles, I suppose. One morning he's on the bookshelf, the next morning he's hanging from the light fixture. And the next he's perched on top of the piano.

I mean, it really moves! All by itself! It would have to. Otherwise, that would mean that a large number of well meaning but most likely misguided parents are actually sneaking around and changing the location of this inanimate object in order to fool their children into thinking their every move is being monitored and judged.

I'm not sure which is creepier.

You also get to name your elf. My kids chose our elf's name. It's Ooshykablob. I was hoping for something cute, like Snowflake, or Crinkle. But Ooshykablob won out.

Ooshykablob is quite lazy. He doesn't do mischief, like the elves in some of our friends' houses. He also doesn't always move. I tell the kids this is because he wasn't sure, or just couldn't be bothered to take the trip all the way back to the North Pole... I mean, Every NIght? He's got to rest sometimes.

Doing Things

A couple of Sundays ago, we did an exercise at church. They passed out paper and pencils and we were asked to write down everything we had to do between then and Christmas.

People laughed, and sniggered, and a few people like me started scribbling like crazy because there was no way I would have time to put everything down, but I remembered most things from when I'd made this list for myself the day before...

And then afterwards, we were asked to think of these things in a different way. Instead of thinking about the list as things we HAD to do, we should think of them as things we GOT to do.

And then this past Sunday we had a sermon at church about the season and reminding us to take time to feel the wonder, to enjoy it instead of just being busy busy busy.

I guess I tend to get introspective about some church sermons.

Anyway, I have decided to apply these things to this holiday season. I'm not going to worry so much about the shopping and the wrapping. Instead, I'm going to just enjoy things. I'm going to take my kids to the cookie swap. I'm going to decorate the Christmas tree with my kids next weekend. I'm going to listen to The Christmas Can-Can 10 times a day because my kids keep asking to hear it. I'm taking Andy to The Nutcracker.

The point is, I'm planning on enjoying Christmas this year. Less to dos, and more get tos. I want it to be Christmas like when I was a kid, all lights and ornaments, very little stress.

Wish me luck.

Candles In The Window

This is what Christmas looks like.

Piano Recital #2

Before the 2012 Christmas Piano Recital

We declared the event a success.

Getting To Look A Lot Like Christmas "Round Here

Nicholas - 2011

I bought new electric candles for our windows.

I ordered hanging bells for an inside door.

I've hung the paper chain in the dining room.

The gold ornaments are hanging from the light fixtures in the dining room. 

The kids holiday projects are hung in the hall.

The holiday card ribbon is hanging and ornaments and cards are already on it.

Christmas is coming, ready or not.

Is It Christmas Yet?

This morning I got the first Christmas card of the season. In November. And it was from my sister, Emily.

As if I needed any more proof that the world was spinning off it's axis.

Gumball Machine

This is the story of a Gumball machine.

For christmas one year, Jamie got a gumball machine. I think Winston gave it to him, but I could be wrong. I remember being a little impressed with the gumball machine. It looked cool. But I didn't really think about it that much.

I must have been in the 10th grade the year of the Gumball Machine Fiasco. This fiasco involves other people, and I apologize to them because this is their story, too. Please think of me more as a historian, making a notation of facts for future generations.

Anyway, our school used to give students a couple of days before exams to study. And the year I was in the 10th grade, both my brother and sister were also home "studying" with  me.

Of course, we didn't just study. We spent a fair amount of time goofing off.

I forget what exactly happened. I think Winston and Anne-E were fooling around in her room. She was on the floor and Winston was bouncing something on the ground which hit her in the face. Nothing serious, but she was hurt and angry. Being the busybody older sibling that I was, I had to get in there and start telling people off.  I might have been the one to yell at Winston, or it might have been Anne-E. Whichever one, Winston was upset, and he dashed off into the bathroom that connected Anne-E's room to Jamie's. 

Anne-E was just telling me what happened when we heard a crash. My sister and I locked eyes shook our heads. "NOW what did you do?" we called out.  There was no answer, so we peeked our heads in.

The bathroom was covered in blood. The mirror was not broken. Winston had dashed across into Jamie's room, and in his frustration had punched the gumball machine.

Now, I don't know what guys punch things. Personally, I get frustrated and then scream and yell and screech until I cry, and then I eat a lot of chocolate. It works for me. But some guys just need to punch innocent objects, and this time it was the gumball machine, which had fought back.

The story goes on. We were alone in the house, and didn't know how to deal with a serious cut. In a panic, I called my best friend Larissa, and asked to speak with her mother, who came to our rescue and whisked Winston away to the hospital where they refused to give him stitches anyway because he needed a parent to consent.

Flash Forward.

For christmas this year, the boys got a gumball machine. I think Jamie gave it to them, but I could be wrong. So far, the boys have done nothing violent to the machine. They pour quarters into it and get sticky gumballs in return. But I can't help but remember when Jamie was the one with the coins and the gum. 

Groundhog Day My Way

Let's face it, people. Spring does not begin in February. We're almost guaranteed at least six more weeks of winter.

But on the other hand - only six more weeks till Spring!

The things is, seasons aren't always what you expect. Ask a child to draw Winter and you'll get snow and snowmen. So far, this winter hasn't been snowy at all. Most of the snow we got came before Halloween. Ask a child to draw Spring and you'll get green grass and butterflies. But Spring up here is usually... well, it can be snowy. If it isn't snowy it's muddy. It's rainy. It's definitely still cold. Last year the boys played T-ball in winter coats.

Instead of Groundhog Day, I like to celebrate Imbolc. I'm not actually a pagan, and I only know what I remember from my days of celebrating this meal with my friends. Like other holidays, it centered around the food - creamy soup and sauces, egg tarts and eggy, creamy desserts. It's about fertility and rebirth.

Unlike Christmas, which comes way to early in Winter, and Easter, which is way too late to help, (especially when it's rainy and cold and you think you should be outside hunting eggs in the yard) Imbolc comes at a time when spirits are low and the dreariness of winter has really set in. It's going to be OK, it says. This will not last forever. Soon there will be green. Soon we can start over, or start something completely new.

Almost Cleaned Up

Our home is almost all put back together fromt the mess Christmas put us in.

I still have to finish cleaning the guest room. It's my version of a presents room. During December the room because full of shipping boxes and tissue paper. There was so much stuff all over the floor that it because impossible to find any gifts I might have wrapped or left unwrapped.

Aside from that, which is a larger project, I also have to move the spinning bookshelf into the living room. We had moved it to put the Christmas tree there.

I keep thinking I've got all the ornaments and knicky knacky things put away, but then I keep finding one more thing I've forgotten.