Andrew is fifteen months old. This is the longest I have gone without being pregnant since... well, since I first became pregnant over five years ago. And I am pretty much getting used to the idea that this is it - there will be no baby girl, no pink snugglies, not even a new blue snuggly in our home. We have three wonderful boys, they keep us busy and happy, and that is enough.
Maybe this decision of ours colors how I view the recent obsession with families with large numbers of children. In particular, I seem to be unable to go a day without hearing an update on the Octomom and the shenanigans surrounding her supersized family. You know the story - a single mother of six decides to undergo fertility treatments and ends up carrying and bearing octuplets. She now has no income and is a single mother of fourteen. Octomom has complained that people are hovering, waiting for her to make a mistake. And I have to admit that she's probably right. And I feel for her because no mother is perfect, every parent will make a mistake. If people are looking that hard, they will see her make a few. But mostly I wish the press would just drop it. Because the woman is obviously insane.
Because who the hell has fourteen children? I mean, she has six to begin with, who the hell wants seven? Getting pregnant with your seventh child is one thing, but she had to go to great lengths to make this happen. As someone with three small children, I can say that yes, there are days I want three more. But not at the same time. And more often than not I'm thinking the ones I have will drive me crazy. Or have already. And this woman has fourteen. Eight of them newborns.
These days large families seem to be the rage. There is the famous Duggar Family, who have 18 Kids and Counting. There is Jon and Kate Plus 8, where a set of twins is followed by sextuplets. And most recently, Table for 12, with two sets of twins and sextuplets. I have to admit, I haven't watched these shows. Not at length. I thought the Duggars were an oddity way back when they only had 14 kids, but now it's almost as though they keep going just so that they can have "the most." And their kids all have "J" names, so we know they're kinda nuts already. Jon and Kate lost me at the second episode I saw, when Kate was complaining that she didn't trust anyone else to clean her house because she was a neat freak. Because I wanted her to get over it. Forget it, I thought. Leave the counter - it will be there later. Your kids will be teenagers tomorrow. Besides, I have only two kids, and my couter has crumbs on it ALL THE TIME. Maybe if you didn't have TV cameras in your house, you'd be a little more laid back about it.
Despite the craziness depicted on these shows, the overall message seems to be that raising large numbers of children is possible. It's hard, but hey! So are getting your taxes done! These guys did it, and look at happy they all are! They have time to be worried about their kitchen counters! Look how happy the kids are! They did it, so can you! Which I think is almost irresponsible of them. Fertility treatments are sometimes a last resort for many couples trying to have children, so I don't really want to say anything negative about them. But it's very important that we don't start to romanticize sextuplets. Most of the time pregnancies like that are horribly complicated and they can have unhappy outcomes. Not to mention the fact that six infants crying WILL push you over the edge. I don't care how patient you are. And the Duggars may have their children one (or two) at a time, but there is simply no way a child in a family of 18 children can get the attention and care needed from the parents. Something will be lost. At that point it's closer to living in a child care facility.
But some people - people like, say, the Octomom, might then think that taking care of a large number of children will be cute, busy but profitable, and altogether doable. Is it? Possibly. Is it in any way recommended? Well...
Anyone who works in childcare knows that there is a legal adult: child ratio for any given age group based on the attention each child needs at each age. For infants, it was one adult for every three infants. Which means to take care of the octuplets, legally, three adults would be needed. For a daycare. And one would hope that at home a child would get more attention than at a daycare.
So... yeah. I think what I'm really doing is defending my decision to have only three children. I think what I'm saying is: I can have kid after kid, but this right now may be as much as I am able to handle - for now. And I think that's OK, even if I'm a little sad about my pink snugglies. And I also think the press may be beating up on the Octomom, and they should leave her alone. But that doesn't mean she's not insane, and in way over her empty head. And I think the multiple child TV shows may be a fad, but I hope they fade away soon because as delightful as these shows may be, and even though they might be effective birth control for some, I think they may give other people, the crazy or not as smart ones, the wrong idea.
2 comments:
You could always throw a dress and lipstick on one of the boys and make him play a girl in a Gilbert and Sullivan like they did to Winston.
Darling,
Who says you have to justify whatever decision you make about having children? As long as you can afford them and help them become productive members of society, I think you're okay and they're okay. There is a point of diminishing returns, though and sometimes less (or fewer) is more. You may change your mind in the far, far distant future. But as you say, for the nonce you have three magnificent boys. You're among the luckiest people in the world.
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