Child = Paradox

A Paradox, a paradox, a most ingenius paradox...... Ha ha ha ha ha ha..... forget it.

In the book Peter Pan J. M. wrote that children were "gay and innocent and heartless." I don't think he meant much by the "gay" part except that they are lighthearted or happy or whatever it is we hope children to be. It's the "innocent and heartless" part I've been thinking of. This is part of the paradox. It's how a kid can hand you a bouquet of flowers and then tell you they hate you and you're ugly ten minutes later. It's how a kid can hurt your feelings without even knowing it.

For me, it's how Nicholas can say "Dada? Dada?" all freakin day and then refuse to give his dad a hug when he comes home. It's how this 18 month old can make it up the stairs in less than 10 seconds when I'm behind him yelling "No! Stop!" but when I'm behind him with my arms full of laundry it takes him about 20 minutes, and he pretends to slip every third or fourth step. And if I'm carrying hot tea he refuses to climb at all and needs to be carried up.
It's how, when we're headed to his bedroom he always rushes into mine instead, and when we're headed towards my bedroom he rushes to the bathroom. If you want to stay inside he carries his coat around as if he's being held captive, but as soon as I hold his coat out for him to put on, he runs away. Probably to the stairs.
It's how he can yawn and rub his eyes and fuss, and once in his bed cry for over an hour without drifting off to sleep.

It's especially hard because these are my final days with Nicholas as my only baby, and I want to make them sweet and memorable. Instead he's asserting himself, and I have to fight the urge to give in to him. Easier said than done.

Anyway, these are the thoughts of the day. Tomorrow is Santa, take 2. I'm sure it will be interesting.