I am a compulsive LIST person. I make lists for everything. I can't go to the grocery store or to Wal-Mart without making a list, even if the list is only three or four items long. I am not sure why this is. Probably because, when I am list-less, I end up purchasing multiple items I do not need and forgetting the items I came there to buy.

But I also make lists for other things. Such as what to pack for vacation - I can't just PACK, I need to make a list first. Kind of like... pre-packing.
I also make to-do lists. Each week I sit down and make a huge weekly to-do list. I list each day, and what I will be doing on each day. This is not only a way for me to make sure things get done, it's a way for me to make sure I don't have too much to do on one day... I tend to get overwhelmed very easily if I am not careful.

But lately my list making has gone out the window. I MAKE the list, but I don't even look at it. I can hardly get up off the couch, let alone find the energy to download photos off my camera or to work on Nicholas's baby album (oh, the guilt, the guilt...)
Besides that, I have to stop myself from adding "GIVE BIRTH" to my list. Of course, if left up to me, I would have put this item down for Tuesday.

So... I'm not sure if the lists make me feel in control of my life and by ignoring them I feel helpless, or if it's the other way around... I feel in control of my life and make lists to prove it, but now that I have LOST all control, the lists aren't doing it for me...
Or maye the lists DO help me feel in control of my life... but it's become painfully obvious that. no matter WHAT I put down, I have no control. I might have every intemtion of going shopping, but who is to say I will find the energy / time? Who is to say that I won't be in the hospital, giving birth? Not that I can factor that in, like many other things, because I actually have no idea when the painful contractions will begin again, this time for real.