P is for Potty

First of all, I just want to bring to everyone's attention that I am now on the FINAL SCARY BABY of the SCARY-BABY-METER! I may be there for the next 45 days, but hey - I've made it this far!

Today's post is about potty training. And the different levels involved in potty training. I had always assumed that the biggest part of potty training would be getting the kid to actually go in the potty. But there is so much more to it than that.

The first step is getting the kid to be aware of this particular function of his body. Nathan sometimes asks to sit on the potty. Some people might assume this means he is ready, and I should just go for it. But I've decided to wait. Not just because I am eleven months pregnant and about to deal with a whole new set of diapers and baby issues, but because when Nathan DOES have the odd accident and pees while he is naked after a bath, in the middle of the bathroom floor, he does not seem to notice anything is happening. He likes to sit, but has no idea what is supposed to happen once he is up there,no matter how many times I read the "Ernie Gets A Potty" book.

The second step is getting the kid to actually use to potty - and this is the hardest part. The kid has to recognize the feeling, know what it means, get to the bathroom, and get ON the darn thing before actually letting it happen. With Nicholas this happened all at once. One day he wasn't potty trained, the next he was pushing me out the door shouting "I NEED SPACE! And TURN OFF THE LIGHT!" because for some reason he prefers the dark?

The final step - and I'm not going into night training here because that seems to be a different story altogether - but the final step - and just so you know, this is one that grown men all over seem to have difficulty with - is actually getting the pee to go IN the potty. That's right. I am referring to AIM.

Girls are built differently than boys, and as a result, aim is not so much an issue. I have actually often been scorned because I am a female, and obviously inferior, since on those long road trips across the country I actually needed to pull over at REST STOPS, and could not just pull over to the side of the road and pee in a bush. So yes, if one likes peeing outdoors, it may be preferable to be built like a man. But at least when I pee in my own bathroom I don't leave pee all over the toilet seat and the floor. Not even after half a bottle of wine.

The reason I bring this up is that I am surrounded by boys. The other day I sat down on the toilet, a recently cleaned toilet, and wondered to myself why it smelled like the monkey house at the zoo. I have discovered puddles of pee on the floor NEXT to the toilet, and I have observed Nicholas peeing as though her were actually AIMING for the rim of the toilet instead of the water, most of the urine dripping right off the edge.

It has actually made me panic a bit. Because I am married, I have two brothers, I drove across the country with two guys, and I have had a handful of male roommates. And I know this does not necessarily cure itself with time. And I also know that, no matter how much I plead and complain, the problem may persist. And again, I am outnumbered.