Looking for help, here.I planned on breastfeeding Andrew until it was time to stop. I did that with my other two. With Nick the time to stop was eight months, and with Nate it was five. With Andy I was hoping it would be closer to ten.
There are lots of advantages to breastfeeding. First off, breastmilk is supposed to be SO good for your baby. It has antibodies that protect them against illness. Studies have claimed that breastfed babies are less likely to get ear infections or become obese. Not to mention the fact that you can breastfeed anytime and (almost) anyplace. Formula takes time to prepare and it is expensive as all HECK. Plus, breastfeeding is supposed to speed up the weight loss process in the mother and may actually lessen the chance of breast cancer later on.
On the other hand, it hurts like a son of a bitch.
I shouldn't say that, I know, because apparently this isn't true for everyone. Sure, breastfeeding is harder than they would have you believe. You can't measure exactly how much the baby is eating. You have to watch what you eat because the baby eats what you eat, so not too much wine, nothing too spicy, not too much caffeine unless you LIKE being up all night. Also, your breasts might leak (like mine this time around). There's nothing like standing in line at the supermarket listening to your baby wail for food and suddenly realizing the front of your shirt is SOAKED. So you'll have to either change your shirt a lot or wear breast pads in your bra. If you're like me and don't need any extra padding in that department, this can be a drag. Also, these falsies don't blend, so you're doomed to wear loose sweatshirts that don't show the outline of the pads on your boobs. And also, it hurts.
I don't remember breasfeeding hurting this much for my other two. Sure, it hurt AT FIRST. But then it got better (mostly) and life went on. But this time... Andrew is great. He's getting enough food. I drink caffeine and he's fine - he sleeps. He DOES eat a lot, though. And my nipples, which had healed from the scabs I got when I started nursing a month ago, now are all cracked at the base. Open cuts that do not bleed, but might scab over in that yellowy scab way, and might actually bond to the pads in my bra so that when I take them off to nurse it KILLS. When I start nursing it feels like a bunch of needles being stuck in my nipples. I've tried a couple of different ointments, but they don't seem to help, and the cuts are not healing.
I know everything gets better. Milk supply evens out and leaking becomes less common. And eventually nipples are supposed to heal and this experience becomes a wonderful, bonding sort of love fest between mother and child. But I'm having a hard time getting to that point. I would like to not be aware of my nipples every second of every day. I would like to take a shower and not scream when the spray hits my nipples. I have gone online to read up on it and get help, and I'm making sure he's latched on correctly and switching positions and everything, but it's not helping. It doesn't help to know that all the brestfeeding sites seem to be populated by women who 'had that problem', got over it, and are now still happily breastfeeding their three-year-olds.
My point is, I'm in a lot of pain. I would like to breastfeed without crying. At least until my six-week check-up. But I'm very close to switching to expensive formula, and that's not the way that I would like to go.
Any comments? Anything? I know there is at least one breastfeeding mother who reads this, but I welcome words of support from anyone. Or if you think I'm being crass or stupid, please let me know that, too.
Thanks
5 comments:
i am writhing in pain just reading your description of this experience. this is the most unnatural thing i have ever heard and i can't believe all mammal mothers do this with their offspring. it's not right.
Whatever happened to that pump? does the pump also cause bleeding?
I still have the pump, but I've stopped using it because I thought maybe the pump was causing the cuts? And I have stopped giving the baby a bottle (of pumped milk) unless I HAVE to (meaning, I'm gone and someone else has to feed him). Because I want us both to master this breastfeeding thing first.
Have you tried Lansinoh ointment? That's what I've always used when I've had dryness and/or pain during the first few weeks and it works well. Also, taking some expressed breast milk and putting it on your nipples and letting it dry there is said to miraculously cure what ails ya. I don't know. I've never really had much of a problem (knock on wood). I've heard that you can get a silicone nipple shield that goes over your breast while you feed your baby and it sort of protects your nipples . . . of course, that sounds sort of complicated.
Anyway, what I really came here to say is that I think you should do whatever makes you happy. And if you're happy, the baby (and the rest of your family) will be happy too. So, if that means switching to formula I don't think you should feel bad about it or let anyone make you feel bad about it. I breastfed Logan for a year and I'll probably do the same with the twins, but do you know why? Because it's the easiest way for me. If it wasn't, I'd probably do something else. With three kids I'm all about doing whatever's easiest and whatever helps us all get through the day a little happier. There are always going to be people out there who try to make you feel guilty for your choices - ignore them.
I echo what Lou said. Don't feel guilty whatever you decide.
But my experience was also that it hurt a lot, second time round actually. I did have some silicone nipple shields which helped through the worst of it although it was a fuss cos of course they had to be sterilised and it was less easy. I found I had to limit the suck time and try not to let the baby just use me as a dummy. They get most of the milk in the first few minutes anyway. I've no idea if the pump makes it worse, I never used one. I had some sort of spray for my breasts which was current at the time but its a long time ago. Is there a breast feeding support group near you? We have National Childbirth Trust who run such groups but I don't know what you have in US. Do you have a midwife to advise you, they are usually much better than doctors.
Hoping you can get through this and sedning lots of good wishes and prayers your way.
Hey! I left a msg here yesterday & now it's not here! I think I'm losing my mind...or typing into disappearing internet!!!
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