Thursday, September 06, 2007

Wait! Let me Explain!

Nicholas on the teacup ride. He appeared to have a good time. Jamie said Nathan was mostly confused, though. I, of course, was on the sidelines watching, as the teacup ride would scramble the new baby's brains.
I wanted to explain and apologize about yesterday's post. See, Debs had posted a bit on HER blog about why she was blogging, trying to figure things out, and it got me to thinking about reasons why I blog. After all, I'm pretty good at it. I mean, it may not be the most interesting stuff to read, but I post EVERY DAY, and take it from me, that's harder than it seems. Of course, the obvious reason that I blog is to keep in touch with my family and friends who are far away and we don't get to see very often. My parents and my siblings basically watch the boys grow up via the photos on this blog. Many people find out what is happening via the words on this blog.

Besides just keeping in touch, this blog is meant to be a record of some sort. I post things here that I might not remember in a few months or years, and this way there will be some record of it all. Because that baby book I have? I still haven't reached last summer, and I might never even get pictures of the new baby in there.

But the truth is, I spend the first part of every morning trying to find a "safe" topic to post about. You might think this is crazy, or needless, but things are constantly being taken out of context or blown out of proportion. Case in point: Steve asked me yesterday if I was mad at him, and if there was something I wanted to post about him on this blog. NO! I SWEAR! I love my husband and I would never post anything on this blog that didn't reflect that.

But there are many, many things that I think about, and maybe that I feel strongly about, that I usually choose not to post about. And others that I have posted about thinking nothing of it, but it turned out I hurt a whole bunch of feelings. Taboo topics / comments include: "I wish my husband would pick up his socks," (Steve - I love you anyway!) or "My friend said / did this thing and it made me feel bad," or "I am not a bad mother just because I let my kids watch TV and feed them cupcakes," or "Gay people should be able to get married and have children."

Anyway, I was not the happiest I could have been yesterday. I admit, I have been sick, and I am pregnant, and yesterday I got a big case of being lonely and feeling left out. You can chalk it up to hormones, or just my belligerent manner. Sorry! Life will go on, just know that I wasn't really mad at anyone in particular, I just get frustrated sometimes tip-toeing around. And today, today I just put on my boots and stomped all over the poor tulips.

4 comments:

Jamie said...

You don't have to explain anything. You should be emotionally honest more often. You're the greatest.

Debs said...

I am in awe of your posting every day. I try to do it and just can't think of things to say.
I know what you mean about censoring yourself, I find myself doing it when I'm writing my blog. However, don't feel like you have to explain or say things if you don't want to, or not say things that you do want to (if that makes sense!)
I've never felt insulted by anything you've written, even if I haven't agreeded with it (and I can't even think of an example, so maybe there hasn't been anything!)
Just be yourself, we love who you are and what you write.

Anonymous said...

We don't even know each other and I agree with Jamie who obviously REALLY knows you.

Lindax0x0x0x0x said...

I am going to report you to the Horticultural Police. Why you went outside, after first putting on really heavy boots to kick the qwap out of some poor helpless tulips is beyond me! Girl, I know your hormones are acting up & you feel frustrated & angry, but PLEASE don't take it out on the flowers -- they can't fight back!