I have to say that, if I didn't know things would get better sometimes in the not-too-distant future, I would probably go insane.

I love both my boys. In an ideal world I would spend time alone with each of them, and time together with both of them, and I would be RIGHT THERE if they fell or were hungry or needed a change.

But then there's the truth of it, which is that they seem to gang up on me. There must be some sort of telepathy involved, because I can't understand half of what Nicholas says, and Nathan's cries come in only two flavors: Fussy and Majorly Upset. But the outcome is that there are hours where everything goes right and I am almost bored. And then there are times when they both need me RIGHT NOW, and I must choose between them. I'm not caring for them and anticipating their needs, I'm putting out fires and hoping the boys don't kill themselves.

Yesterday I spent over an hour rocking and nursing Nathan, who seems to think I am some sort of 170lb. pacifier. As soon as I put him down and fasten my bra, he wakes up and starts fussing. During this whole time Nicholas was fine. He played with his toys, danced by himself to music, and generally made me feel inadequate as a parent and vow to get back to those playdates and storytimes, even if I had to drag this 2 week old baby with me everywhere.

But then there was the incident where I was trying to nurse a very fussy Nathan right after lunch, when Nick should have been going to bed for a nap. Instead, Nicholas decided to jump off of the couch and land right on his head, which made a sick THUNK on the hardwood floor. I immediately put Nate down on the couch and tried to comfort my older son, who would not stop crying until I fed him a small amount of chocolate. Of course, Nate took exception to being put aside, and began squeeling that high pitched squealing cry (Majorly Upset). I was then faced with a dilemma. Who do I go to? Or, if you will, whose crying is more irritating? Also - Nick hit his head - do I put him down for a nap? He was acting tired, but of course, it was his NAP TIME. But I kept remembering all these stories of head injuries where the kids fall asleep and then slip into a coma. And how can ANYONE sleep with Nathan screaming?

In the end, sleep won out. Nick just fell asleep, Wiggles or no Wiggles. Nate fell asleep nursing on his giant moving pacifier. Then I jumped into bed and fell asleep. I woke up over an hour later and rushed to Nick's room where I poked him until he woke up. He was a bit grouchy, but hey - he woke up.

I'm hoping today goes more smoothly. So far Nick has tried climbing into my lap while I was nursing Nate only twice, and Nathan actually let me put him down long enough to post this and throw on some clothes that I can't leave the house in. So maybe today will be another good day! If not, I will just have to put aside my TV guilt and go back to my very-pregnant days of letting the Wiggles and the Koala Brothers babysit Nick for me. Hey - he's a great kid, so they must have been doing SOMETHING right. And I don't have to pay them.