This is why I will never wear a bikini again.

I have been pregnant before. And although I knew that each pregnancy is different. I wasn't prepared for the different ways my two pregnancies would differ.

In this case the difference at hand would be stretch marks.

I remember (or at least I THINK I remember) talking to my friend Betsy about Stretch marks during her pregnancy. I told her I got them on my arms, on my hips, on my boobs... little white lines that were irritating, but that pretty much dissapeared once I had the baby and started getting my body back.

Well... apparently I had no idea what a stretch mark WAS. I was going through this pregnancy pretty much like the last one, using lotion getting bigger, and assuming that when I looked down every south of my belly button line looked pretty much like every thing north of my belly buttong line.

Because - and THIS is a huge joke right here - I CAN NOT SEE MY BELLY. I can see where my belly button used to be, but looking straight down, my line of vision stops there.

And then one day I happened to catch a glimpse of my naked form in the mirror.

I had been avoiding this because - let's face it - my naked body is not really very attractive right now. And I was surprised - VERY surprised - to see that someone had snuck in and drawn these huge ugly wiggly purple lines on my lower belly while I wasn't paying attention.

No, really, I just couldn't accept the fact that THIS WAS MY BODY. This photo will give you SOME idea - not only of how very very huge I am, but of the uglyness of these lines. (and let me just say it is very hard to take photographs of one's own stretch marks, especially when you can't see them and are just randomly aiming the camera)

Anyway, people have been really sweet to me where these stretchmarks are concerned. When I ran down crying to Steve and pointed them out to him, he told me he was sure they would go away, and that I had nothing to worry about. My brother Jamie told me that he had seen worse on folks at school who gained a bit more than the freshman fifteen in too short a time. Sweet of him, but I've SEEN those marks, those are the ones on my hips. They are not as huge or purple as the ones on my tummy.

My mother was pregnant 5 times, and she told me that she never got stretch marks like these. She asked me if the doctors had mentioned anything about the baby possibly being, well, HUGE, and then told me she would buy me special creme to reduce the marks after the baby is born.

In the meantime, I'm just glad I can't see them without performing stretches I usually reserve to tie my shoes. And once this baby is born I will be making my beach appearances in tummy covering t-shirts and stylish capri pants. No swimsuits for me, thank you.