Post 153: In Which I Loose My Temper

Yesterday was not a good day. I went to sleep too late, woke up too early, and the morning was packed with fun-filled activities such as getting my car inspected while waiting with a cranky infant and a hyperactive two-year-old.

When we got home I tried to run on the treadmill. Nap time for both boys is around 12:30, right after Lunch. It doesn't always work, but I knew Nick was sleepy, and Nate had slept for 20 minutes only the entire morning (not MY idea). I put Nick down, and nursed Nate... and nursed him and nursed him... he remained awake. I tried running, thinking he would fall asleep, but it didn't work. He screamed when I left him in his bassinet. He screamed when I put him on a blanket on the floor. He screamed when I tried to feed him. I was hopping on and off the treadmill like some running rabbit on crack, back and forth, desperately flipping my Ipod on and off, whipping my sports bra on and off, and picking up Nate to place him in different locations.

Finally I yelled. "What do you want from me!?! Fine! You win! No workout for Mommy!" I can go into detail explaining just why I was so upset and in tears, but to keep in short (too late!) I'll just say that 1 - I was at my wits end to calm my child and 2 - I really, really need a good workout every few days to keep me emotionally balanced.

Nate froze, looked at me, and then, of course, really started crying and sobbing and screaming and I felt absolutely horrible and was guilty and I had to go pick him up and shower him with kisses and cuddle him and then I actually had to listen to him scream as I was taking a shower and washing my hair because he wouldn't nurse while I was sweaty but once that was done and I picked him up he was OK, even if he still wouldn't nurse. And then Linda called and I have to tell you Linda that Nate fell asleep TWO MINUTES after I got off the phone with you.

I knew he was sleepy.

Nick woke up 5 minutes later.

I don't know why I try. I should just accept the fact that it is frustrating and I can't do what I want and it's just the way it is. That way there would at least be fewer screaming fits, even if I would have to run around naked all summer because I can't fit nto any of my pants.